I made this account as an alt because I'm deeply ashamed of the feelings and biases that could be considered reactionary. I know they're stemming from living in a country that subscribes to the delusion of white supremacy, and other views that ultimately support capitalism, but I want to take responsibility for the work I have to do.
To give some context to the post title, I don't think I'm virulently racist. I'm nonwhite, and I'm trying to address internalized racism and beliefs around white supremacy. I've read about and believe systemic racism is a thing, so I don't think it's a matter of me being convinced. I believe these are shitty and wrong things to feel, and I've done my best to consciously counter it, but I want to be better.
I'm trying to use things like Google to find resources, but it's been so bad lately, and I don't want to sink energy and resources into something like White Fragility when that's not the kind of work I'm trying to do. Does that make sense?
I want to be better about self-crit, but I want to make sure I'm doing it the right way. Are there recommended books, resources, audiobooks, ways of approaching personal biases and maybe getting to the root of an issue around race? Is this just something that will click as I continue to actively confronting myself?
If there's a more appropriate place to have discussions like this, I'm okay with this post/account getting removed. I don't want to stir shit, and if this is a thing I need to work on with a therapist or on my own, I'm willing to continue doing that.
I can only speak from my own experience here. I am a white person who grew up in a liberal family in a liberal city. Because I had not been explicitly taught to be racist, I thought that I was pretty much free of those biases when I was younger. It was only later in life that I realize how much these ideas seep into everyone's minds just from living under white supremacy.
What has helped me the most is:
A. Interacting with people of different races on a regular basis. Racism operates most effectively when applied to an abstract racialized other, not your coworker Steve who you talk to about old movies or whatever.
B. Continual self critique. I ask myself on a regular basis if I'm making an assumption about someone or interacting with them in a way that I wouldn't make if they were white. Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes it's no, but it allows me to check myself.
I don't think this is work that's ever finished, but it does get easier the more you do it. Finally, I'd just say that you shouldn't feel ashamed of your biases. Shame leads to avoidance, which is the opposite of what you should be doing, and at the end of the day, it's not your fault that these biases were instilled in you. Everyone who grows up under white supremacy will have them in varying degrees. Instead take some pride in doing the dull but necessary work of combating them.