I made this account as an alt because I'm deeply ashamed of the feelings and biases that could be considered reactionary. I know they're stemming from living in a country that subscribes to the delusion of white supremacy, and other views that ultimately support capitalism, but I want to take responsibility for the work I have to do.
To give some context to the post title, I don't think I'm virulently racist. I'm nonwhite, and I'm trying to address internalized racism and beliefs around white supremacy. I've read about and believe systemic racism is a thing, so I don't think it's a matter of me being convinced. I believe these are shitty and wrong things to feel, and I've done my best to consciously counter it, but I want to be better.
I'm trying to use things like Google to find resources, but it's been so bad lately, and I don't want to sink energy and resources into something like White Fragility when that's not the kind of work I'm trying to do. Does that make sense?
I want to be better about self-crit, but I want to make sure I'm doing it the right way. Are there recommended books, resources, audiobooks, ways of approaching personal biases and maybe getting to the root of an issue around race? Is this just something that will click as I continue to actively confronting myself?
If there's a more appropriate place to have discussions like this, I'm okay with this post/account getting removed. I don't want to stir shit, and if this is a thing I need to work on with a therapist or on my own, I'm willing to continue doing that.
If you've been diagnosed with GAD, that's a good first step. Anxiety is a huge part of this. It makes you weird about everyone, and race shapes how you're gonna be weird. Continue down the treatment road.
Something that helped me be more normal interacting with people was organizing, especially the kind where you're approaching people cold to make an ask: canvassing, approaching someone in another department at work to join the union, that kind of thing. It makes people less scary.
Also, don't just read about racism, it's a weird way to look at a group of people. Read books by black people that are about more than just racism. Fiction is good. Check out The Fifth Season by NK Jemisin or Xenogenesis by Octavia Butler.