I've been on a slow but steady decline for the past several years. I don't move at all, barely leaving my room let alone the house; I've taken to eating shit I order out instead of cooking meals myself; I don't get involved with any local orgs besides sending dues every month; I haven't read a book in months; I regularly fail to perform bare minimum hygiene. The only reason I'm able to keep alive at all is because I haven't moved out of my parents' house, burdening them with helping me. It would be understandable if I was living hand to mouth and had barely any free time, but I am one of the small percent of burgers who isn't a month away from destitution and I have more than enough free time. Not to mention I receive no shortage of help.
Since I can't blame my material circumstances, I can only conclude that I am this way because I always refuse to take personal responsibility. I know that changing myself so that I can be, at bare minimum, not a drain on society is going to take a lot of work, work that I always put off due to cowardice. Idealist as it is, I feel like I have some innate metaphysical trait that makes me this way, and the entirety of my failure to pick myself up is due to a moral failing on my part and nothing more.
How do I force myself to unfuck myself so that I can actually be useful for revolution instead of yet another useless first world lotus eater?
It sounds dumb but it works. I was there. Like, actually just start doing it and you keep doing it because your brain is starved of endorphins and so you rapidly start wanting to do it more just for the sweet drip of brain chemicals.
Which is why you need to be intense about it. “I’ll feel something after 3 hours of this, and otherwise I’ll be smoking weed feeling nothing anyway so just so this.”
I don't think this is a universal experience. Personally I don't think I've ever felt that endorphin rush people say happens during/after exercise, I'm just kinda tired. I do it because I feel better overall and regular physical tasks like picking stuff up and crouching aren't as hard anymore.