What kind of mental illness is it when I avoid with a passion all my messages and notifications across every app and website, I put letters marked "URGENT" in a giant pile and refuse to open them, my phone recieving a call makes me hideously upset, I have a hundred small things I need to do that would all take 5-60 minutes and yet I avoid all of them, I miss people and I crave socializing and yet every opportunity that presents itself to me feels like some terrible dread, I agonize for weeks, months, years over a message I never got back to and then send some long winded apology, re-opening contact with an old friend, only to sharply ghost them and repeat the process for another 1-5 years.

WHY THE FUCK DO I DO THIS