Jesus: "You did WHAT in my name?!? Why would you torture gay ppl, wtf is wrong with you?!?! Why do you treat poor people so terrible, did you read my book at all?!"
"Oh my dad! Look at how much you've polluted Fathers planet, he is going to be so pissed. What do you mean prosperity gospel? That's not what that means!!! Me-Christ, you people are the devil!"
All well and good but jesus wouldn't say "oh my dad" jesus would say "oh my me" because he IS god not the son of god, you have implied heresy and thus you will not go to rapture and I will because this is what it's all about.
Heaven is just a place for nerds to argue about rules. If you don't like it you can go to hell and have icky sex and do yucky drugs while listening to horrid music with lots of brass horns (ska is the only genre played in hell read Dante's inferno!)