But there's also a certain expectation of "flamboyance" from the gay community, or you're "not gay enough" and I think a lot of self-identifying queer peeps are to blame.

I feel this is due to a noticeably high level of what I've come to call "the ladder-puller generation" among gay folk. Y'know, the white faux-upper-class guys or girls who got the white collar job, do everything in their power to maintain a pristine aura of political 'good-one-ness' even when it means throwing their disadvantaged supposed-kin under the nearest bus. The ones who pulled up the ladders behind them as soon as they got to 'routine brunch-goer' level. I put it on them, and the compatibles that just welcome cops and corporations into Pride when it was supposed to be a riot against those forces.

If someone isn't loudly and proudly out around me, if someone goes to bat for rainbow-washers that shuck and jive for thirty days just to pump extra profit, then I automatically assume they're a ladder-puller that would sell me out to whoever for whatever if it meant they could get a little bit further in the cosplay-cishettry that is their life; because sometimes, it's the ladder-puller gays that are more dangerous to us than the cishet settlers.

tl;dr, they might fuck like us, but they not like us; and it'd take a near-government level background check for me to trust someone like that. From where I sit, the ladder-pullers, the pristine-optics gays? They let all of our artists, our creators, and the gays actually worth knowing die to AIDS, 'cause it'd have been icky to cede them help. That's why I don't trust the optics-bothers. Because the optics-bothers and ladder-pullers were the only ones to make it out.