I was part of the group that got banned yesterday, and I need to apologize to you all.

I have seen people mention previously that sometimes mods take upvotes for agreement, but I haven't trained myself to stop the reddit habit of voting on "food for thought" things, useful-addition-to-the-conversation-but-not-my-pov posts, and placemarkers in active threads, and there aren't downvotes here to easily mark the shitty stuff I want to come back to and learn from. I should always be opening things in new tabs instead.

I foolishly upvoted this comment as a "food for thought" comment and planned to come back to the thread yesterday evening to find it and read the responses and learn from them. instead my upvote counted as agreement and got me banned, which I know is my fault for not adapting to site culture and not foreseeing how that would be interpreted.

I totally understand, feel like the worst kind of fool, and spent my ban time thinking about what a piece of shit I am. far worse than that is the thought that any of you might think I agree with that comment, so I am posting here to apologize profusely and publicly for my upvote. I'm really, truly, terribly sorry, and idk what to do to about it except fuck off and try not to be such a fuckhead in the future.

explanation (not excuse) for those who care to understand why

I live in Ohio, which is immersed in the kind of chud culture that comment was talking about – I see my formerly borderline leftist little brother slipping into it, and it kills me. it's a point of view I remember seeing a lot when I was in DSA and not liking then, but I lack the information and wisdom to effectively articulate my problems with it. I very much want to understand what to do about it and how to talk about this stuff with people who believe it, but I get why it was offensive and shitty to mark it for myself in a way that would default mean "this is good" to others instead of pushing back on it at all or just opening it in a new tab to look at later. I'm very sorry about doing that.

I didn't open it in a new tab because I'm pushing triple digits of tabs open and knew it would be easy to find later because the Amber bot was inflating the comment activity. I keep forgetting to be judicious with my upvotes because I'm AuDHD and unlearning a decade of reddit habits is hard.

you didn't know that was why I upvoted it, it just looked to you like a bunch of your alleged comrades liked that post, and I was one of them. I hope you can forgive me, but I understand if it made you think differently about me. I get it, and I'm just really, really sorry.

as soon as I figured out that I was banned and why, I sent a version of this via DM from my old account to an em_poc user who is very near and dear to my heart, but I don't feel right only apologizing to one person when so many of you could have been hurt by my upvote, hence this post. I'm sorry that my apology to the rest of you wasn't that immediate, but I was worried that posting it from my old account would be seen as ban evasion and make my contrition seem insincere.

I appreciate very much the kindness and compassion so many of you have shown me, and it is devastating to know that I have repaid it in this way.

I'm very, very, very sorry.

please heap your scorn and excoriation here.

    • Lyudmila [she/her, comrade/them]A
      ·
      22 hours ago

      Absolutely not. The only time votes have ever even contributed to permabans happened in the site's past was during the Transphobe Purge, when upbears and downbears were used to help identify users with a consistent pattern of transphobia.

      Users did not then, did not here, and (as long as I have any say in it) will not ever receive a permanent ban based purely on up/down voting.

      • SorosFootSoldier [he/him, they/them]
        ·
        22 hours ago

        Thanks for clarifying this because I'm sure a lot of users still operate under the old reddit model of content that engages with the OP and adds to the discussion gets an upvote.

        • Lyudmila [she/her, comrade/them]A
          ·
          20 hours ago

          I have some concerns over the concept that a comment advocating for a red-brown alliance is adding to the discussion. When posts and comments on the site aren't racist, misogynistic, chauvinistic, or fascist apologia, the Reddit model you mentioned doesn't result in any major problems. As we're working to clean up these issues that were previously under-managed, we're going to continue run into some bumps along the way. We're going to have to both change some site rules and some of the ways we interact with the site.

          I get that people are resistant to change, and it'll be frustrating to have to make changes. But I'm confident that all of us are in agreement that it's worth it to make some changes and go through that frustration in order to to build Hexbear into a safer and more comfortable space that is more welcoming and approachable to marginalized users.