Completely derailing these conversations like this is funny af. Whenever I run into asshole Christians, I show that I was raised by fundies by simply pretending to be infinitely more pious than whoever I'm speaking to. They never have a good answer for it, it's great.
Pretending to be a Zionist, but then reveal you're actually just a huge fan of that particular national park
Yeah, that's the mormon holy land! That's why it's called Zion.
Not a coincidence. Utah as a state was founded by Mormons. Brigham Young, the guy that makes Joseph Smith look like a saint, was the first governor of the state.
Damn! I never knew that but I wondered if there was a connection.
Thanks!
(I mean, I knew about Utah as a state generally, but not about Zion being an intentional marker. When Palestine is free, we should ship all Zionists to Utah)
Last Podcast on the Left has a pretty good series on the early Mormon guys.
Not a coincidence but it's important t to note it was about their 4thnor 5th zion after "finding zion" and then passing off the locals so bad they had to move west 200 miles and try again until they went far enough there was noone else to piss off and be chased out by.
In a strange twist of irony that would certainly strengthen my faith if I was a Mormon the place they settled on did end up being one of the most beautiful places on earth.
"What are you talking about? Honest Hearts is my favourite New Vegas DLC."
I show that I was raised by fundies by simply pretending to be infinitely more pious than whoever I'm speaking to
Got any tips for those of us not in the know (or, failing that, at least some amusing anecdotes)?
One time somebody walked up to me to tell me that Jesus was coming back soon, and we'd all be judged that day because I had facial hair and was wearing a dress, he was talking about the rapture. So I responded by looking at him and his family and saying "Only 35,000 people make it through the rapture. Unless you believe that you and your children are in the 35,000 most righteous people in the world, you're going to the exact same place I'm going in the rapture." He looked back bewildered and one of his kids started getting really upset
Walked by some Jehova's Witnesses in full garb and he tried to start some shit with me. I told him that as the holder of his wife's priesthood (she was standing by him), he was sending her to hell for letting her do a man's work of evangelism. That she'll burn in hell for the holder of her priesthood accepting false prophets (Watchtower society).
Met an asshole Mormon at a coffee shop and told him that he was going to end up in a telestial kingdom and his family would forget about him in eternity for consuming hot drinks. When he asked why I, an upstanding Mormon was at the coffee shop, I told him that I ordered cold ephedra tea just like Joseph Smith intended.
Another good one is if they're married but not with child, call the man a whore for not nutting in his wife. Wasting cum is a sin.
A lot of it is just that I have a serious knowledge base of the religions because I wanted to be a theologian when I was a kid. The best advice I have is that you probably know about as much as whatever christian heckler is fucking with you knows. Have a few common sins and failings on standby, and just be prepared to act like a zealot. They love inflicting it, but have no idea how to respond when someone else does the same to them.
These are great, thanks for this! I especially like that first one; I bet he had quite the task trying to calm that kid down lmao
Pretend to be a zionist, but then reveal that you’re actually a scionist (a fan of scion cars)
It was Toyota's dumping ground for international/joint production model cars on the US market and goddamn they should've just let it be that. None of that "hey it's hip and young!" crap, just "here's a weird compact hatchback that we'll never brand a Toyota in the States".
