The Ukraine war was just a distraction all along. Russia has developed FTL travel and now has nukes stationed in Andromeda, waiting to strike the US.

  • EmmaGoldman [she/her, comrade/them]M
    ·
    9 months ago

    If the US seriously wants to battle it's in denial,

    Comin' from Uranus to check his style.

    Go ahead, Putin's rhymes on trial

    Cast the west into exile

    Intergalactic planetary, planetary intergalactic

  • M500@lemmy.ml
    ·
    9 months ago

    I looked it up and it’s legit. They actually put this on their YouTube channel.

    I watched a few minutes of the story and it really that they want to put a nuke into orbit.

    So, intergalactic is the wrong word but likely used because it sounds better than alternative descriptions.

      • SoyViking [he/him]
        ·
        9 months ago

        Intergalactic might not be true at all but it sounds scarier

    • CarbonScored [any]
      ·
      edit-2
      9 months ago

      Turns out they don't want to put a nuke in orbit and that's also just made up. They just want to use a nuclear powered satellite, which is pretty bog-standard.

      I guess "Very normal satellites are normal" isn't such an exciting title. Or.. really news at all.

      • SacredExcrement [any, comrade/them]
        ·
        9 months ago

        So definitely not 'intergalactic', not 'nuclear weapons', almost definitely not 'a huge threat to the US'

        When do you think we find out it's not Russian either?

    • Amaltheamannen@lemmy.ml
      ·
      9 months ago

      A nuclear explosion in space would be devastating to the entire globe. Every sattelite that isn't blocked by the Earth would be fried.

  • shiteyes2 [any]
    ·
    9 months ago

    You guys laugh but the jewish space laser turned out to be real

    • CloutAtlas [he/him]
      ·
      9 months ago

      Jewish space laser + Russian hackers = Judeo-Bolshevik Low Orbit Ion Cannon

      • PolandIsAStateOfMind@lemmygrad.ml
        ·
        9 months ago

        It has six settings:

        1. Turn people into Jews
        2. Turn people into communists (label is often changed with 1 as a prank but nobody notices the difference)
        3. Turn people transgender
        4. Make people stop saying slurs
        5. Havana syndrome
        6. ALL OF THE ABOVE MUAHAHAHAHAHA
  • Kaplya
    ·
    edit-2
    9 months ago

    1000 years into the future, a ragtag band of rogue believers in Marxism-Leninism from the space colony LX052, 2.2 light years away from Earth, decided they wanted to save Earth from destruction and reset history.

    They commandeered a spacecraft with time traveling capability and set its course to 20th century Earth. They had learned about an ancient socialist civilization known as the Soviet Union, and their mission: to provide the ancient civilization with intergalactic weapons capable of defeating its imperialist rivals, to save Earth from total destruction.

    However, minute error in calculations caused them to miss the intended time jump by 50 Earth years. Not knowing that the Soviet Union had already dissolved and it is modern day capitalist Russia in its stead, they attempted to contact its leader Vladimir Putin to facilitate a technology transfer on a scale never seen before in history, believing that Putin would use it for good.

    Meanwhile, increasing amount of unidentified anomalous phenomenon (UAPs) are being reported and tracked by US military. Years of intelligence gathering by the US intelligence agencies finally uncovered the plan behind these space activities. Can they stop Putin from obtaining from future space socialists intergalactic arsenals capable of ending the world as we know it?

  • Evilphd666 [he/him, comrade/them]
    ·
    9 months ago

    Gotta justify that new curry-space branch of the MIC somehow. How about a few DEATH STAR BATTLE MOONS? Ought to excuse another at least $400 billion a year for the next forever.

  • FortifiedAttack [any]
    ·
    9 months ago

    Don't worry guys, Russia constructed the satellite out of washing machine chips, so it's low quality and will break apart before it fires.

    Don't worry guys, Russia's nukes don't work, so the satellite is only armed with a giant shovel.

    Don't worry guys, Russia ran out of rockets (and missiles) so Putin had to personally carry the satellite up into space using a comically long ladder, and that took him approximately 2 years, so they aren't gonna put up a second one there anytime soon.

    • 0x0520 [he/him]
      ·
      9 months ago

      Yes, yes, the enemy is weak. But are they strong as well? I suspect they might be.

    • RyanGosling [none/use name]
      ·
      9 months ago

      We’re at the stage of the Cold War where the US military is either falling for Russian propaganda or just making up stuff and directing funds to wunderwaffe like mind control drugs, ESP, telekinesis, witchcraft, and demon possessions

      • WittyProfileName2 [she/her]
        ·
        9 months ago

        CIA's gonna have to interrupt Yuri Geller bothering Theresa May over spoons to bring him back to the psychic goat murder lab.

  • Tankiedesantski [he/him]
    ·
    9 months ago

    Ukrainian troop concentrations being decimated by Kinzhals launched from the Andromeda Galaxy.