It has made my relationship with adult male authority figures... complicated. As an autistic person, I already have a lot of trouble breaking out of routines, but I've been at a job I hate for years and I know that a part of the reason I haven't quit is an addiction to my boss's approval. He is an obvious surrogate for my narcissistic dad and the worst part is that I can see the brainworms doing their thing in real-time. I have to constantly remind myself that I have value apart from the way these people view me, and I hate it.

I don't want to care what my boss or my dad or any other man thinks about me, but goddamn is it a challenge.