As Maryland’s officials gathered to attend a topic most important on the minds of all Baltimoreans, they did so at a private meeting held at the city hall with only select guests able to attend. During the four hour marathon meeting which was filled with “utter chaos” as our whistleblower disclosed to us, many “options” were laid out with the main goal of reconstructing the bridge. There is one issue, a big elephant in the room, or more applicable to the situation, a whale in the water, with many attempts to remove the ship each attempt has been left unresolved. The ship and bridge are entangled in an unfortunate matrimony, with billions already SUNK with multiple attempts to remove the wreckage of both ship and bridge has concluded to be a task too impossible to accomplish.

With governors, senators, mayor and one other figure who we will elaborate on later, each attendee were left battling the baffling conundrum. The ship named Dali owned Grace Ocean Private Limited was headed for Sri Lanka, but after the ship lost total control at around 2am the disaster left six crew members dead including the captain and left a large hole in the heart of the city. The bridge responsible for shortening journeys between Baltimore and other parts of the city would see up to thirty thousand vehicles per day and up to millions a year. Alternative routes are available although this adds more pressure to these routes adding more time to daily commutes.

It is projected that the Key bridge would take up to eleven years to be fully functional again, that is so long as the area is clear of debris which it is not. Efforts to remove portions of the bridge and ship have been rendered impossible by failing American infrastructure which lead to an idea. Ideas come from many places, one idea I have is to stop writing and instead swim with dolphins to see if they can embrace me as one of their own and I will gain acceptance to their pod and maybe even have a crossbred child with the dolphin and call them (assortment of sonar clicking sounds) there is no translation yet. That idea I came up with is within the same realm as the one the city officials came up with, I quote, “why don’t we rebuild around the wreckage?” Genius, recycling is of course part of the effectiveness of human capabilities, we reuse to use again.

When that suggestion was uttered by a nameless official, a long pause ensued and there was nothing but silence. Expecting laughter to ensue, the whistleblower was instead met with further responses to the proposition, “you know, that might just work.” Elaborating further, others joined in suggesting methods in how to “recycle” the wreckage with one even suggesting it had the potential to boost tourism. Others named it “the 911 of Baltimore” and that they could brandish the wrecked ship “similar to those fountains at ground zero.” Another had suggested they turn Dali into a museum like the stranded aircraft carrier Intrepid in NYC.

The shady figure I mentioned before who had no official title and was clearly just invited as a guest remained quiet until the suggestions of repurposing wreckage came to the forefront. Clearing his throat he drank a bottle of water courtesy of Nestlé, a coarse voice beckoned “we need that ship to transport thousands kilos worth of crack per year, if we can’t push crack through the key, you’re going to have to come up with options fast because time is money.” The shady figure stood up and left but before leaving the room he took his sunglasses off and examined all the faces of the officials, they all looked down in despair. The shady figure spoke again, “you know when I drove that bridge I always played the Sopranos theme thinking I was a real badass, you know the one that goes ‘woke up this mornin’” that song, I can’t do that anymore. Get the shit done. Time is money.” And like a ghost he disappeared. The officials ended the meeting at that point with some of them holding back tears. “It’s a good theme song, I don’t want to take that away from him.” Another official spoke up after clearing his throat as you could tell he was holding back the tears which had accumulated in his throat, “when you walk through the garden…. you gotta watch your back.” Then another responded with, “well I beg your pardon, walk the straight and narrow path.” And one by one each official started singing together the theme song of HBO’s The Wire “way down in the hole” they all sang, and cheered and then promised to meet on another day to discuss what to do with the bridge and ship.