I was part of the group that got banned yesterday, and I need to apologize to you all.
I have seen people mention previously that sometimes mods take upvotes for agreement, but I haven't trained myself to stop the reddit habit of voting on "food for thought" things, useful-addition-to-the-conversation-but-not-my-pov posts, and placemarkers in active threads, and there aren't downvotes here to easily mark the shitty stuff I want to come back to and learn from. I should always be opening things in new tabs instead.
I foolishly upvoted this comment as a "food for thought" comment and planned to come back to the thread yesterday evening to find it and read the responses and learn from them. instead my upvote counted as agreement and got me banned, which I know is my fault for not adapting to site culture and not foreseeing how that would be interpreted.
I totally understand, feel like the worst kind of fool, and spent my ban time thinking about what a piece of shit I am. far worse than that is the thought that any of you might think I agree with that comment, so I am posting here to apologize profusely and publicly for my upvote. I'm really, truly, terribly sorry, and idk what to do to about it except fuck off and try not to be such a fuckhead in the future.
explanation (not excuse) for those who care to understand why
I live in Ohio, which is immersed in the kind of chud culture that comment was talking about – I see my formerly borderline leftist little brother slipping into it, and it kills me. it's a point of view I remember seeing a lot when I was in DSA and not liking then, but I lack the information and wisdom to effectively articulate my problems with it. I very much want to understand what to do about it and how to talk about this stuff with people who believe it, but I get why it was offensive and shitty to mark it for myself in a way that would default mean "this is good" to others instead of pushing back on it at all or just opening it in a new tab to look at later. I'm very sorry about doing that.
I didn't open it in a new tab because I'm pushing triple digits of tabs open and knew it would be easy to find later because the Amber bot was inflating the comment activity. I keep forgetting to be judicious with my upvotes because I'm AuDHD and unlearning a decade of reddit habits is hard.
you didn't know that was why I upvoted it, it just looked to you like a bunch of your alleged comrades liked that post, and I was one of them. I hope you can forgive me, but I understand if it made you think differently about me. I get it, and I'm just really, really sorry.
as soon as I figured out that I was banned and why, I sent a version of this via DM from my old account to an em_poc user who is very near and dear to my heart, but I don't feel right only apologizing to one person when so many of you could have been hurt by my upvote, hence this post. I'm sorry that my apology to the rest of you wasn't that immediate, but I was worried that posting it from my old account would be seen as ban evasion and make my contrition seem insincere.
I appreciate very much the kindness and compassion so many of you have shown me, and it is devastating to know that I have repaid it in this way.
I'm very, very, very sorry.
please heap your scorn and excoriation here.
I'm AuDHD too and was only half-heartedly reading that thread, I don't know who the podcast lady is or exactly what she was saying, I too thought it was a "food for thought" kind of comment, but now my RSD is triggered and all I can think about is "extreme tailism", "making marginalized people unsafe", and "eat shit losers" from a comment in the gen mega. I gotta be honest and say that it made me cry and I'm still feeling really really hurt by it and I'm not ready to apologize yet, if ever.
I know I take things too personally and it's not about me but my feelings are so so big and I tried every precaution to avoid rejection and I still got slapped over some random upvote. I'm now wondering if it's ever worth posting at all anywhere. I seriously considered deleting my account. Idk what to do about my RSD. Clearly this is an unacceptable reaction to a 24 hour ban but I can't help it.
your whole comment has me sobbing, it absolutely breaks my heart to know that it hit you that hard, too. I'm so sorry.
me neither. 💔
I foolishly have let myself create a support network based on a community on "just a website," and it is coming back to bite me in the ass very, very fucking hard.
No it's actually valid to feel that way. We shouldn't have to be engaged in this level of enforced orthodoxy and self-policing. You are clearly being made to feel unsafe using this site right now.
this is true. ❤️ we just need to figure out a way to make the site safe for everybody. I don't think that's unattainable, it just needs further discussion.
Yeah, that comment was bad for sure, but it's wild to me that a mass ban was issued to make the site "safer" for marginalized users and the thread has multiple ND people saying that they're super stressed about interacting with the site now.
Hexbear has felt kinda tense and stressful for a bit now, not sure what prompted this change in atmosphere but I just want the site I browsed for the last 3 years to still be here.
Not an unacceptable reaction IMO, you're good. I would be upset too, I didn't know that upvoting a shitty comment is seen as being that out-of-line.
It's not. This is the first incident of this since the transphobia purge years ago.