I was part of the group that got banned yesterday, and I need to apologize to you all.

I have seen people mention previously that sometimes mods take upvotes for agreement, but I haven't trained myself to stop the reddit habit of voting on "food for thought" things, useful-addition-to-the-conversation-but-not-my-pov posts, and placemarkers in active threads, and there aren't downvotes here to easily mark the shitty stuff I want to come back to and learn from. I should always be opening things in new tabs instead.

I foolishly upvoted this comment as a "food for thought" comment and planned to come back to the thread yesterday evening to find it and read the responses and learn from them. instead my upvote counted as agreement and got me banned, which I know is my fault for not adapting to site culture and not foreseeing how that would be interpreted.

I totally understand, feel like the worst kind of fool, and spent my ban time thinking about what a piece of shit I am. far worse than that is the thought that any of you might think I agree with that comment, so I am posting here to apologize profusely and publicly for my upvote. I'm really, truly, terribly sorry, and idk what to do to about it except fuck off and try not to be such a fuckhead in the future.

explanation (not excuse) for those who care to understand why

I live in Ohio, which is immersed in the kind of chud culture that comment was talking about – I see my formerly borderline leftist little brother slipping into it, and it kills me. it's a point of view I remember seeing a lot when I was in DSA and not liking then, but I lack the information and wisdom to effectively articulate my problems with it. I very much want to understand what to do about it and how to talk about this stuff with people who believe it, but I get why it was offensive and shitty to mark it for myself in a way that would default mean "this is good" to others instead of pushing back on it at all or just opening it in a new tab to look at later. I'm very sorry about doing that.

I didn't open it in a new tab because I'm pushing triple digits of tabs open and knew it would be easy to find later because the Amber bot was inflating the comment activity. I keep forgetting to be judicious with my upvotes because I'm AuDHD and unlearning a decade of reddit habits is hard.

you didn't know that was why I upvoted it, it just looked to you like a bunch of your alleged comrades liked that post, and I was one of them. I hope you can forgive me, but I understand if it made you think differently about me. I get it, and I'm just really, really sorry.

as soon as I figured out that I was banned and why, I sent a version of this via DM from my old account to an em_poc user who is very near and dear to my heart, but I don't feel right only apologizing to one person when so many of you could have been hurt by my upvote, hence this post. I'm sorry that my apology to the rest of you wasn't that immediate, but I was worried that posting it from my old account would be seen as ban evasion and make my contrition seem insincere.

I appreciate very much the kindness and compassion so many of you have shown me, and it is devastating to know that I have repaid it in this way.

I'm very, very, very sorry.

please heap your scorn and excoriation here.

  • gaystyleJoker [she/her]
    ·
    7 hours ago

    i would like for everyone to read the actual post here:

    Show

    personally i do not believe that we should work with fascists to build communism and that's a dangerous idea to support

    • kristina [she/her]
      ·
      43 minutes ago

      The whole point of the vanguard is to avoid infiltration trans-sad

    • SadArtemis [she/her]
      ·
      3 hours ago

      I agree with you, though admittedly I also see what leads people down that road (and I imagine the temptation is with all of us regardless of intersectionality, sometimes).

      Living in the imperial cores, and in settler-genocidal societies in particular, is pretty dismal. Hell if I know if the majority of people here have it within themselves to not even so much as be "like John Brown," but to simply choose not to be like the "'innocent' Wehrmacht/etc" avoiding looking at the worst of the crimes they commit or support. Not justifying ""coalition-building"" with fascists and imperialists all the same- I support the mods in correcting such dangerous sentiments.

      • propter_hog [any, any]
        ·
        6 hours ago

        Yeah same, but I can see how someone marginalized can see a largely upvoted post on here and translate that into being site wide agreement.

      • gaystyleJoker [she/her]
        ·
        6 hours ago

        typically you would assume that people would use the button to push a comment up in support though

        • dustbunnies [she/her, comrade/them]
          ·
          2 hours ago

          this is true and the reason for my apology, and it seems to be getting lost in the discussion about whether a ban was warranted

        • Acute_Engles [he/him, any]
          ·
          6 hours ago

          For me if it's in the wild i probably agreed with it if i hit the button but if it's in my notifications i upvote every one to mark it as read

          • gaystyleJoker [she/her]
            ·
            6 hours ago

            that makes sense. realistically only one person would have had that notification though

            • Acute_Engles [he/him, any]
              ·
              6 hours ago

              True, I was more trying to exemplify that everyone probably has a slightly different method by which they use the upvote.

              I think the effect it has on anyone who sees it is nor important than some clerical use case, for the record