I was part of the group that got banned yesterday, and I need to apologize to you all.
I have seen people mention previously that sometimes mods take upvotes for agreement, but I haven't trained myself to stop the reddit habit of voting on "food for thought" things, useful-addition-to-the-conversation-but-not-my-pov posts, and placemarkers in active threads, and there aren't downvotes here to easily mark the shitty stuff I want to come back to and learn from. I should always be opening things in new tabs instead.
I foolishly upvoted this comment as a "food for thought" comment and planned to come back to the thread yesterday evening to find it and read the responses and learn from them. instead my upvote counted as agreement and got me banned, which I know is my fault for not adapting to site culture and not foreseeing how that would be interpreted.
I totally understand, feel like the worst kind of fool, and spent my ban time thinking about what a piece of shit I am. far worse than that is the thought that any of you might think I agree with that comment, so I am posting here to apologize profusely and publicly for my upvote. I'm really, truly, terribly sorry, and idk what to do to about it except fuck off and try not to be such a fuckhead in the future.
explanation (not excuse) for those who care to understand why
I live in Ohio, which is immersed in the kind of chud culture that comment was talking about – I see my formerly borderline leftist little brother slipping into it, and it kills me. it's a point of view I remember seeing a lot when I was in DSA and not liking then, but I lack the information and wisdom to effectively articulate my problems with it. I very much want to understand what to do about it and how to talk about this stuff with people who believe it, but I get why it was offensive and shitty to mark it for myself in a way that would default mean "this is good" to others instead of pushing back on it at all or just opening it in a new tab to look at later. I'm very sorry about doing that.
I didn't open it in a new tab because I'm pushing triple digits of tabs open and knew it would be easy to find later because the Amber bot was inflating the comment activity. I keep forgetting to be judicious with my upvotes because I'm AuDHD and unlearning a decade of reddit habits is hard.
you didn't know that was why I upvoted it, it just looked to you like a bunch of your alleged comrades liked that post, and I was one of them. I hope you can forgive me, but I understand if it made you think differently about me. I get it, and I'm just really, really sorry.
as soon as I figured out that I was banned and why, I sent a version of this via DM from my old account to an em_poc user who is very near and dear to my heart, but I don't feel right only apologizing to one person when so many of you could have been hurt by my upvote, hence this post. I'm sorry that my apology to the rest of you wasn't that immediate, but I was worried that posting it from my old account would be seen as ban evasion and make my contrition seem insincere.
I appreciate very much the kindness and compassion so many of you have shown me, and it is devastating to know that I have repaid it in this way.
I'm very, very, very sorry.
please heap your scorn and excoriation here.
Good to know that mods can see our upvotes, not sure why I'm surprised to learn this. I recognize the utility in keeping transphobes purged and off the site, and that is valuable.
Maybe there should be a separate "have read"/"have not read" button so "upvote-when-read" users like myself don't have to worry about some anonymous moderator deciding we're reactionary for hitting the bear button. (EDIT: On the other hand, I intentionally don't upvote comments that I think are bigoted or getting something important incorrect, so I'm not saying it's black and white, either)
Seems like context and intent should be taken into account, why couldn't the mod DM for clarification? if you're already reviewing our upvotes then maybe try to figure out why the upvote rather than just firing off the ban. I know people are gonna be like, Oh it's just the internet, quit being such a terminally online leftist, but that's not really fair, is it? First off, it's unpleasant and actually kind of nasty to be hit with a ban from a site you like, and if you're moderating this forum then you should remember there's a human being on the other side of the screen. Second, if mods are trying to regulate people rather than discussions, then at a certain point you start to feel like you're being condescended to and treated like a child. No one wants that, so other than purging nazis, what's the point in pushing users off the site? You want it to be the fun shitposting site where everything is fun and chill but you just get to arbitrarily do unpleasant things to people you've probably never met? Who's the terminally online one now?
I also recognize that saying "mods should DM users before banning over upvotes" is asking for more free labor from volunteer mods, so idk if I've got a solution. Everyone makes mistakes, I guess.
instead of private DM's to all involved (which definitely is too much work to ask of mods), I wish it were policy to have a "calling-in," where everyone who upvoted poorly was tagged in a post about the shitty post/comment and invited to explain themselves and understand why their actions were hurtful.
I get that seeing a big number next to a hurtful post makes it extra hurtful, and I feel awful about contributing to that.
I think mods and admins probably need to step back from the site sometimes. Like you said, it's a shitposting site. You're a janitor on a shitposting site. Get over the power trip.
But on the other hand, mods and admins offer free labor to keep the site cleanish. It's a difficult balance to strike. You don't ever want a marginalized person feeling threatened or unsafe on the site, either.