Powered by whatever you ate for breakfast, no fuel cost required
Improves your body as you use it
No need for a license to use it
Totally incompatible with traffic jams, can go to gym, work, bar, or back home sooner to shitpost than waiting in traffic for hours
Not a rent-seeking device to further keep the poor poor.
Usually wherever bikes are viable property values are higher, even porks can't help but admit to the bike's superiority
Using it pisses off the right people, porky whines on how you're hurting the economy, the government has to be reminded of the folly of subsidizing the auto and oil industry
can easily maintain it at home, parts are cheap worst case scenario
No registration required
No computers for porky to spy on you, impossible to hack
The chad bike: