I think this is kind of a you problem, to put it bluntly.
People are not inherently toxic because of their gender, and the mentality that they are is actual radfem SCUM (Society for Cutting Up Men) shit, and it serves to invalidate those that don't fit the mold of toxicity. I think you probably are projecting something that isn't exactly relevant, it's not about trying to fit into toxic masculinity, it's about not invalidating people because their experiences in life and understanding of masculinity is not inexorably tied to deliberately and intentionally performing the most toxic forms of masculinity imaginable.
Just because your identity is not something you consider deeply or regularly does not mean it is not important to you, and doesn't mean it's not important to others. It's important to almost everyone, very few people simply do not have any strong identity. Most cis people just don't think about their identity because they don't have to: they've spent every moment of their lives having that identity supported and affirmed. That doesn't mean it's not important to you, it just means you've never been in a situation where it has been something you need to consider. A great example is that Amanda Bynes experienced gender dysphoria during the shooting of She's The Man. It's not something you think about unless you're in a situation where, holy shit, you cannot ignore it.
I think this is kind of a you problem, to put it bluntly.
People are not inherently toxic because of their gender, and the mentality that they are is actual radfem SCUM (Society for Cutting Up Men) shit, and it serves to invalidate those that don't fit the mold of toxicity. I think you probably are projecting something that isn't exactly relevant, it's not about trying to fit into toxic masculinity, it's about not invalidating people because their experiences in life and understanding of masculinity is not inexorably tied to deliberately and intentionally performing the most toxic forms of masculinity imaginable.
Just because your identity is not something you consider deeply or regularly does not mean it is not important to you, and doesn't mean it's not important to others. It's important to almost everyone, very few people simply do not have any strong identity. Most cis people just don't think about their identity because they don't have to: they've spent every moment of their lives having that identity supported and affirmed. That doesn't mean it's not important to you, it just means you've never been in a situation where it has been something you need to consider. A great example is that Amanda Bynes experienced gender dysphoria during the shooting of She's The Man. It's not something you think about unless you're in a situation where, holy shit, you cannot ignore it.