So, why is this the case? The ultimate goal of online dating apps should be to function as a conduit in creating committed relationships, right? Wrong. The realm of online dating has become a multi-billion dollar industry — an industry that profits primarily off of user addiction, especially by keeping its users single. The way that the industry accomplishes this is twofold, relying on qualities of gamification and what psychologist Barry Schwartz refers to as the “paradox of choice.”
The presence of the choice paradox in online dating is perhaps best understood through the analogy of online shopping. Studies have shown that as shoppers are exposed to more options for potential purchases, they are paradoxically less likely to be satisfied with their ultimate decision. As our brains become inundated with a variety of choices, we often experience choice paralysis: An anxiety-induced state that prevents us from making a resounding decision.
On Tinder, the user’s experience of choice overload has become a frequent occurrence. In the emergence of what some are calling “serial swipers,” many users can be seen displaying strong hesitations to commit to a singular option due to fears of missing out on a potentially better one.
The infiltration of the choice paradox into the realm of relationships is especially dangerous. Unlike the case of online shopping, users aren’t choosing between products, they’re choosing between people. The resulting world of online dating has become a breeding ground for objectification, sexual harassment and insecurity, as choices are increasingly influenced by abundance and appearances rather than genuine compatibility.
The instant gratification offered by each ‘match’ causes the idea of exclusivity to appear unsettling, with many individuals remaining addicted to these apps even in committed relationships. Specifically, 30% of Tinder users are married, and another 12% are in relationships. Because of this, the online dating world has become a hotbed for cheating and noncommittal sex. Users find themselves immersed in an endless, twisted game, where matches and hookups function as points to keep score.
I have a friend, guy in his early 20s, kind of a nerd but overall a good guy, who gave himself a slight makeover and put himself out there on the dating apps. In six months, the only contact he's gotten is scams, and it is definitely a blow to his self esteem.
deleted by creator
deleted by creator
deleted by creator
deleted by creator
According to Pew it's 12% of people meet a serious partner/future spouse online
the apps are such shit. probably two thirds of the profiles I see are just women trying to get followers for their instagram. then there's the snapchat in bio scammers, the sex workers with a location 1000 miles away. Plus the godawful gender ratio and it's just a horrible demoralizing experience
I still do it though, I have one (1) semi-regular FWB I met on an app so I guess it's worth it? :/
beats my 0 FWBs so yes it's worth it
deleted by creator
Tim French :trump-moist:
I made a new account in 2022, did 1 or 2 dates a month for a bit. Although I have not been trying as hard, I haven't been on a date with a new person since November. I think the new user boost (and paid boosts) are much more powerful than they used to be, which means established accounts get less visibility.
deleted by creator
Long-standing paid accounts and users who hadn't recently paid were relegated to the same bucket generally, but I think OKCupid (at that time at least) let users message each other for free so if that's still true it's probably a much better alternative to Tinder which never let you do that as I recall. (edit: actually I wouldn't be shocked if they just hide messages from certain users to other users entirely, as I recall they were literally showing unpaid user profiles to people on the other side of the planet or fabricating likes entirely to get people to pay for it, to the point someone might have "30 likes" within a day of their payment lapsing, renew, and only see one or zero)
I would assume whatever Tinder did is what OKCupid did while I knew someone who worked there since Match owned both by that time. New accounts and newly paid accounts were the only way for men's profiles to be shown to the top 50% of profiles (based on swipes no generated by spam swipers or something to that effect).
IIRC, tinder has never let you message people before matching but once you do there's no restrictions. I've used Google Play credits on a few apps and they're definitely doing what you describe with fake likes. In particular, Tinder shows "18 people liked you" but that number does not go down when I swipe left on someone who liked me (and it plays the "you missed a match" microtransaction thing).
holy shit lol
They love to fluff it up by saying "Hey look, 18 people liked you! We know you didn't like any of them, but they liked you so that counts!"
So that settles the question for me lol
Why fucking bother with the apps? Pessimists stay winning (we will still complain tho)
I was on Tinder once and it was awful. Not really for my self esteem, but I was completely addicted to it. Had it gone longer than two months it probably would have done a dent in my self esteem though. I've been wondering if I should set up on Hinge or something like that and I'm worried it will go the same way.
Apparently it's owned by Match as well, but I would assume it works marginally better than Tinder. Tinder seems to be the cash cow roulette/online shopping experience that's not intended to generate any matches other than by accident. The other "brands" are just slightly less shitty variants of that. There might be some genuine attempts at matchmaking services (OKCupid pre-Match acquisition) but without the large user base they probably just won't be very effective.
Yeah a friend who uses dating apps quite successfully (over six foot muscular dude in med school) said Hinge was the most personal of the dating apps he used which is why I've been considering it. As kind of the opposite of a six foot muscular doctor-in-training, I probably won't have much luck on Tinder. Not gonna hold my breath for Hinge either but maybe this summer if I can work off the dad bod a little I'll try it.
Women on those dating apps don't bother with the bottom 90% of men. They cluster very heavily towards the top 5-10%, and any man below this threshold will get very little interest. If you're below average then don't even bother, for you dating apps are a total waste of everyone's time.
That has certainly been my average-looking-and-short friend's experience.
That's true, but the good news is even just basic things like clearly being hygenic and clean already puts you above a very good number of men on the site. Any sort of politeness? Boom, another jump right there. A good picture with good angle? Nice, a big leap there too.
You're still likely going to have trouble with the app anyway, but it won't be as bad as the troubles most people have. At the end of the day though, dating apps still suck. Encourage such weird ass pettiness based off first impressions and looks.
This is why I have not even tried. I'm happy enough being single
absolutely not happy but the process of trying to change that is guaranteed emotional self-harm. Might as well buy lotto scratch-offs.
Why doesn’t he try to meet people outside of dating apps then. No one is forced to use dating apps
deleted by creator
uhhh years of that not working either almost certainly.
why do people suggest things that people definitely already tried?