To be fair to our autistic women and enby comrades, Its pretty much always been autistic men, but still.
You have no idea how many times I've been like "hey dont say that, thats ableism/a slur" and them be like "get over it/grow a spine/just words" and when I confront them about the fact that i'm autistic they'll say "I am too, so what?".
Just look at my post history right now. There's one I'm arguing with right now.
it happens over and over.
I mean, even speaking as an autistic man, its definitely part of the problem. The "grow a spine" shit is definitely the type of stuff men are socialized into.
There's also a fair amount of good writings out there by autistic women talking about the bad experiences they've had with autistic men.
I've witnessed it first hand irl as well because I went to a day program for autistic people, and a bunch of us were playing a game that involved a lot of jokes and laughter. And one of the only women in the program was just like drawing silently to herself. But she got overwhelmed by the laughter and had a small meltdown and left, and one of the guys playing the game started yelling at her "HOW ARE YOU GOING TO SURVIVE THE REAL WORLD". And the staff did nothing about that which is why I never went back to that program. I figured that was probably something that guy had been told that he had internalized but it was still way out of line.