I just can’t. When it started, I followed everything. I read up on it. I followed the news. I tried to reason with the people in my life. With some, I succeeded. Others, not so much.
But as this has carried on, I’ve distanced myself more. Every time I open Twitter or tiktok and see the videos and the comments and the news my heart just breaks and I have to close the app. The less said about Reddit the better. I’d still follow it, and still try to counter the irl propaganda, but not as much. I started watching old shows and other stuff. I needed to get my mind off it. That’s what it was for the past week. A conflict is happening. Innocents are dying. You donate, you support irl when there are protests, you counter some propaganda but you try to live your life.
But since today I’ve not been able to do anything. I can’t cook. I can’t talk. I break down into sobs. opening the apps or reading the news leaves me paralysed. The entire day all I did was move from the bed to the sofa. There is a genocide happening and I can’t do anything. I can’t get my mind off it. All our governments are supporting it. I knew, of course, that this happened in the past. Even this century. But seeing it happen in front of your eyes is… I just can’t.
I don’t know how journalists at places like Al Jazeera or online steamers like Hasan have been able to cover this news for the past 20 days. Above them, I don’t understand the bravery and courage and I don’t even know, the human spirit, of Palestinians, who’ve survived and continue to survive.
I’m not religious or spiritual but I wish and hope and pray that there is a heaven for everyone who has suffered and a hell for every Zionist and imperialist who has cheered on this genocide.
The only person who I feel comfortable speaking about this with irl because I know she cares about Palestinian lives, even she told me - "things like this don't really get me down on a personal level" - and ever since, I just can't help wondering... How? Every day I read about a new atrocity that's being celebrated/defended/denied by the west, and I ask myself How? How can it not get you down on a personal level? How is that possible?
If it isn't the fact that a genocide is unfolding right now as we speak, then surely it must be the fact that people are so stupid or racist or brainwashed that they cheer it on. Or that the imperialists can justify their mass slaughters and deny the hospital bombings and anything else that reveals they are monsters, and people always believe them. One of these things HAS to hurt deep down, hit something inside as you confirm in real time how methodically evil acts and how easily it wins.
I just don't understand how you can't be paralysed by this. HOW can it not get you down on a personal level.