With the conflict in Gaza provoking debate over what constitutes a violation of international humanitarian law, The Onion asked Americans to define a “war crime,” and this is what they said.
“A war crime is anything that makes the U.N. go, ‘Oh my stars!’ and faint before getting up to do nothing.”
“I’m not sure, but I don’t think they have anything to do with what America did in the Philippines between 1899 and 1906; in Haiti between 1915 and 1934; in Japan during World War II; in Korea between 1950 and 1953; in Guatemala in 1954; in Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia between 1960 and 1972; in Cuba in 1961; in Indonesia in the 1960s; in Chile in 1973; in East Timor in 1975; in El Salvador and Nicaragua in the 1980s; in the Persian Gulf in the early 1990s; in Serbia in 1999; in Afghanistan between 2001 and 2021; in Iraq between 2003 and 2007; in Somalia, Libya, and Yemen in the 2010s; and what’s happening in Guantánamo Bay right now.”
“I’m not sure, but I don’t think they have anything to do with what America did in the Philippines between 1899 and 1906; in Haiti between 1915 and 1934; in Japan during World War II; in Korea between 1950 and 1953; in Guatemala in 1954; in Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia between 1960 and 1972; in Cuba in 1961; in Indonesia in the 1960s; in Chile in 1973; in East Timor in 1975; in El Salvador and Nicaragua in the 1980s; in the Persian Gulf in the early 1990s; in Serbia in 1999; in Afghanistan between 2001 and 2021; in Iraq between 2003 and 2007; in Somalia, Libya, and Yemen in the 2010s; and what’s happening in Guantánamo Bay right now.”
Came here to paste that one in too. The Onion never misses.
I need to add this to my notes app and have on standby for my fellow hogs that I try to forcefully educate daily