Sorry for making a big text and sorry for my English. Cheers to you even if you're not reading it.
Very Slight TW
I'll talk about compulsive scratching of some wounds/bruises I have
I'm a Brazilian from a big city, and I was accustomed to the Brazilian way of life. I recently went to the US to visit family and the sheer difference in purchasing power, quality of life, the humongous disparity between the US and Brazil are killing me. The US middle class is better off than the BR upper class by a big margin. I'm currently studying computer science in university, and my goal is to leave BR for somewhere ""better"" (take better with heavy quotes). Thing is, in BR there's basically no university-grade job in my field and there's basically almost no way of getting out if you don't have experience in the field like me.
Recently, about 2 months ago, I've stopped taking my (light) anxiety meds because they're expensive. My parents (I'm 20) can buy it no problem but my expenses weigh on me so much I just stopped it. I started to itch some tiny wounds in my legs and they got rather ugly, which is not as bad as an infection or something.
I was always worried about getting out of BR because I wanted a good professional life in which I could actually use the skills I got from uni, but in Brazil there's basically nothing besides making websites and bugfixing banking software. I want to make graphics drivers, motherboard firmware, work with free and open source software, but there's nothing here. And with nothing here, how do I get an opening to move to another country like Germany or the US? (countries I have family living in)
Seeing NYC compared to São Paulo, seeing the standards of living in person is driving me nuts. I'll live a comparably miserable life, with a miserable job, with mental health issues, and I'll never start a revolution. I'm giving up.
Do you have any words of advice for a young comrade? Thank you for reading thus far and sorry for being so incoherent.
Cheers from Delaware (and from São Paulo)
I'm kind of experiencing the same thing in Taiwan. I'm from Guatemala and have been involved with politics there for over ten years and while progress has been made at the local level, national level is showing to be consistently awful. I've lived in the US as well but Taiwan really blew me away. Every goal I wanted Guatemala to reach has already been met and surpassed by Taiwan. It's cleaner and safer than any American city I've ever been in with a population that's less bigoted too.
Part of me wants to leave the country and settle down here because it's safer (minus the potential US proxy war) with a much better standard of living. But there's another part of me that feels like I'm abandoning people I've fought for to selfishly satisfy my needs.
Your case is a little different though. You're very young and still figuring things out. Do you choose to study in Delaware or NYC? I'll just say that I lived in New York and you're going to be struggling to meet those living standards if you're choosing to stay in NYC. A number of taxi drivers I had were Brazilians with degrees. They weren't enjoying the fruits of NYC's standard of living.
You might find it more manageable in Delaware or parts of New York state outside of the city. The US is a little tricky for first-timers who want to move to the big cities and then find themselves struggling more than they were in their home countries. Choosing comparably smaller cities that still have job opportunities in your field is a better option, or you can choose to live in Jersey and commute to NYC if your heart is set on there in particular. A lot of people in Jersey do exactly that.
Please take your medication as well. Having high anxiety that isn't regulated will cause you to make mistakes that you'll regret in the long-term.
I'm visiting family here, I'll be back home in February.
I guess I'll take my meds, it just doesn't seem fair that my parents spend 300 Brazilian Real on it per month or so