This is somewhat inspired by the Chuggaconroy - Lady Emily situation and specifically this possible explanation for it that someone brought up, but its not really about that (but if you want to discuss this specific instance, feel free, im looking for some moral clarity on if anyway). Its a thought ive been having for a literal decade
I think nd advocacy and feminism do not intersect cleanly. I dont want to get into details, but i have been in the position of harassing someone without realizing i was doing that multiple times in my life. I think autistic men do often fuck up socially with women in a way that is recieved as harassment.
And i do think the autistic man is still acountable for that and needs to learn better in the future.
But i also wonder a lot about how to best deal with the intersection.
There are other issues as well. Like making the world more accessible and safe for people with Rejection-Sensative Dysphoria, but also protecting a woman's (and people in general's) right to say "no". And connected to this, de-stigmatizing ND behaviors while protecting women's right to social autonomy and trust their "creep-dar". (Because i think sometimes ND behaviors can sometimes ping someones creep-dar even if the ND person means no harm at all, because lf the stigmatization).
Im also aware there is a body of writing by Autistic women feminists criticizing the behavior of many autistic men, but im not totally sure how to incorporate that.
I think its possible to harm someone while not being in the wrong in terms of the original interaction. Ultimately, what matters is the ability to have humility and accountability for harm caused. We live in a world where oppressed people and especially women are required to faun or people-please for safety. Autistic people and in particular autistic men are less likely to be aware of this dynamic when it occurs. In this case, there is a harmful dynamic between the two people but causal responsibility falls on patriarchal society that legimates the thought 'all interactions with men can end in violence against me'. It only becomes your fault if you refuse to acknowledge and make right that dynamic once it is exposed.