People keep telling me I only deal in absolutes, and that it's unhealthy and I should sometimes find the middle-ground between two different positions. (I.e. caring for myself vs others, putting all my energy on a task vs not even bothering)
So what's the procedure to finding a middle-ground so I can apply it to literally everything in my life, as the Autistic Gods demand? \s
Do you feel like this with your personal relationships e.g. this person is my friend or this person hates me?
It affects every facet of my life. But that's just me deflecting from the fact that the answer to your question is an enthusiastic "YES!" and that was partly what triggered this post lol.
Until a friend told me they had ADHD and always forgot to reply (and that she was comfortable enough with me to not get anxious over it), I always thought I had said something off-putting or offensive by accident and was getting ignored.
It also goes the other way around. Either I really like the person and think about them way more than I think is the neurotypical standard, or I give zero fucks about their entire existence "off-screen". Thankfully I'm not prone to hate.
I think for the pathology of borderline, what you think about what they think of you is very important and determines the course of relationships.
A common experience is they'll say something that you disagree with or is critical of you (maybe rightly so, but don't focus on that right now), you assume they hate you and think they're secretly plotting to reject you or something. This can manifest with something as mild as a little panic attack when someone pulls you up on something, to active sabotage of relationships or creating a "scene" because someone didn't save their last cigarette for you.
Other people are right about large political things. There are absolutely good guts and bad guys. Some things do have nuance though, but really I'd focus on how you view personal relationships if it is distressing you. We'll still be here.