This isn't life. I cannot speak to people when I need to.
I cannot be polite the way I usually would be. Months ago there was kids who didn't have enough money to pay in a supermarket and I couldn't say I'll pay for them. I knew if I tried to pantomime this shit, I'd make the already awkward stressful situation of theirs worse. There's been so many awkward cases where I couldn't help someone because I couldn't say I would, and if I randomly approached them and grabbed their stuff I'd freak them out. I had old ladies ask for help, but no longer want it if I tried to communicate through body language, because I don't speak the local language.
I am incapable of learning a language. I'm one of those people, yes. I learned useful phrases before moving here, including local slang for welcoms and farewells, but anything remotely off script and I'm lost. Learning a language is extremely hard. Even for children. Bilingual people struggle (I know very well: I am bilingual, but one of my languages sounds machine translated and lacks vocabulary, so I cannot even express myself), children struggle, and learning a language as an adult may be impossible - for me it is. I give up. I don't even want to be here. I never did.
People act like immigrants are there out of choice. Fuck, I'm very much not. The only "alternative" I had was going homeless - when the only other option was to lose one of fundamental necessities, it's not a real choice.
I don't have anywhere to go. I only have my best friend, but she lives in a really tiny apartment, and I had friends lose housing when they'd let newly homeless friend sleep on their couch, because landlords are literally fucking evil. I don't want to inconvinience her, yet alone lead to potentially her losing housing.
I also cannot find a new job. I've desperately been trying to, but no one wants me. All the companies are going through layoffs. No one wants to invest into a worker anymore. The only time they post Junior positions is to offer an unreasonably low pay - they still require shitload of experience, frequently very niche. Many jobs I feel like I'd have a super easy time doing don't allow people without experience in at all.
I need to be able to afford my monthly medical debt repayment and to live alone. No, I am not spoiled. I get suicidal from living with strangers and develop such massive anxiety I am literally incapable of existing. I am very introverted and have health problems. I suffered injuries from living with other people, because I couldn't adjust the housing to my needs (not wants, mind you - needs), e.g. I got skin burns and would be unable to breathe (I have extremely sensitive skin and allergies).
I really need to move. I am waiting for this Friday to know how much acceleration I can do. Thankfully it should be warm in 3+ months (this is my resignation period btw for both work and housing), so I could maybe even get a tent and sleep in the wild if I cannot find housing.
My opinion on what you should do is entirely dependent on what your race and nationality is. If you’re white and from USA/UK/AUS then I think you need to go back. You’re an expat and not an immigrant, you do not deserve the same level of aid as an immigrant or a refugee if that’s the case. If however you’re a BIPOC and ESL then you deserve a greater right to freedom of movement then the previous situation I mentioned. I’m guessing you want to be in the EU for Schengen, I have heard good things about Portugal, large latin community, relatively cheap, only downside is high unemployment. Full disclosure I am American (but not white) and never been to Europe so I know nothing about Portugal, but I am absolutely right about you needing to stop trying to live abroad if you are white.
Is there a theoretical foundation for this? Just because one can be part of the white supremacist in-group in these settler countries, I'm not sure that makes it impossible for them to be immigrants or refugees of the worse circumstance and economy there.
I don't necessarily have theoretical backing on tumor's take; but I'd also hesitate to cede refugee status to a settler-born emigré. If anything, I believe the ultimate fate of descendants of the settlers should be to have to live with the conditions made of not tearing down the plantation their ancestors erected; and that any one that manages to escape it has escaped justice.
Yeah but that's just punitive, I don't want to be dismissive, I'm just not sure how constructive it is or how it ties into the real world at the moment beyond like rich white people moving and continuing awful colonial chauvanistic behaviors. Idk if prescribing "Go back to where you came from" for Demoncracy if they're white is useful nor helpful for anyone involved. Again, I'm white, and I don't mean to be talking down or dismissing this, I guess I'm just curious about the theoretical foundation which would exist for it. It's very applicable for me as I plan to be emigrating to another country in my lifetime in preparation for the US's crackdowns coming as it's empire crumbles.