We hebben een serieus probleem.

And it might not be what you think it is.

Most people do not know how to learn a language. Duolingo and other apps like that are largely trash. You might expand your vocabulary with an app like that but it doesn't teach you what you need to reach conversational fluency in a language.

There are two things that I think work for truly learning a language: immersion and comprehensible input.

The good news is that you've (kinda) already got immersion. What you need is comprehensible input. This is a whole linguistic theory that you can learn more about online.

If you want to learn the language then I'd pick up simple materials in the local language. Idk what level you're at but this might be children's books, it might be YA comic books or similar. Whatever it is, if you want to learn the language then start where you can understand or infer enough meaning from the text that you're capable of following along. It doesn't need to be 100% comprehension, and in fact that will be counterproductive. Listen to local music and read along with the lyrics. Watch local TV and movies with the subtitles on, English if you have low proficiency and the local language if you have intermediate proficiency or if it's a simple show pitched at children/young adults depending on your level of proficiency. Talk to yourself at home in the local language - narrate what you are doing, ask yourself questions, make statements like "I would put sugar in my coffee but I do not like coffee with sugar so I won't do that". Have a local language dictionary on hand at all times and refer to that when you get stuck on a word, get in the habit of looking up words routinely.

Try to find a conversational partner who is patient and understanding. Easier said than done but you'll find them if you look. Cling tightly to them.

Also idk how you go with being bilingual or how you developed your second language but there is a way to make a very limited command of vocabulary and grammar work. It's hard to explain but if you know you know and when you see it you'll get what I mean. Try to look for interviews in English with people who are very much still learning the language and observe how they talk - it's almost childlike but if you carry it with confidence and a healthy dash of creativity, you will be able to converse a lot more than you think you can. When people go off script, repeat back the key words or phrases and if you still aren't sure, rephrase the statement in simple terms as a question:

"Honestly I wouldn't recommend going to that restaurant - the food is awful and it's overpriced."

"The food is... bad and... too expensive? Oh okay, okay. I understand. Thank you. What restaurant is close and good?"

You can fill the gaps with a statement like that with assumption and picking out on key parts of the phrasing:

"_______ I _____n't ________ going to ______ restaurant - the food __ ________ and it's ___priced"

If you look at that statement you have enough most of what you need to grasp what they are conveying: a negative, the restaurant, the food, and something about price.

In such a situation, in a different language, I would repeat that statement back in phrasing that is within my grasp: "Ok, okay - no good? The cost is too much?"

You can also infer a lot from tone and body language.

If I responded with "But it looks very nice - the food and the restaurant. There are many people going there." and I didn't understand one word of the reply, I would be able to identify their meaning based on the facial expressions, the gestures, and the tone of the words spoken.

A negative response would have me inferring that the food is not worth it, and possibly that the ambience or the service is poor.

A middling response would have me inferring that it's not to their preference and that they think you can do better elsewhere.

A somewhat positive response would have me inferring that they're conveying that it's not to their taste but it is to others.

If you can identify only one key word like "foreigners" or "tourists" then you can basically infer that they're telling you it's a tourist trap. Or if they mention the word food once or twice then they're talking about the quality of the dishes. Or if they mention money or price then they're telling you it's a complete rip off.

You can respond with nearly no vocabulary to this sort of a reply by saying something like "So... McDonald's?" and they'll probably laugh and you'll be able to read their reply even if you can't comprehend the words they are saying.

I would put your weakest foot forward in conversations and own up to the fact that you don't speak much of the language. People will simplify the way they talk and be more forgiving especially if you make that clear from the outset.

I would also recommend picking up some beginner textbooks in your local language, especially ones aimed at middle school or highschool, and work through them. It will really help you with developing your grammar.

I would also consider offering your services as an English tutor if you're hard up for work. Advertise around universities especially. Make your rates cheap, particularly at first. Get ready to hand-hold people through learning the language so that your tutoring can be enriching - stop to correct pronunciation and really work on nailing it with the people you are tutoring, prompt them to repeat the thing they just said again after you have corrected them on pronunciation, grammar, or word choice, give them prompt responses and use gestures: "How are you today? Good 👍, Okay 👋, Not great 👎?", rephrase their statements to be more richly conversational: "What did you do today?", "I saw Spiderman", "Oh okay - you went to the movies and you saw Spiderman?" *gestures encouragingly to get them to repeat the statement using 'I' terms, talk to them like children (respectfully) "Was it a good movie? Was there a lot of action? Was there romance? Was the story good?" and be prepared to drill down into example terms such as: "Action, like fight scenes, guns, explosions, car chases...", scaffold the language - when you have settled on a topic like romance and it's understood then ask questions and prompt responses "Does Spiderman have a wife? No - so a girlfriend then? Okay. Who is the love interest?" because if you are talking about romance and it's understood then the word wife and girlfriend are going to be pretty easy to grasp or infer and rephrasing girlfriend to love interest naturally expands their vocabulary because they probably already understand those words independently and it's intuitive to grasp that term.

Learning a language, really learning one, is mostly a mind-over-matter deal and it requires you to become relentless and indomitable. I get that it's hard but especially at the beginning stages it's mostly about mindset - part of the reason why children pick up language so readily is because they are completely unafraid of making mistakes.

Try not to put too much stock into people's responses too. If a person needs help and they scurry away from you then try not to automatically internalise the rejection and personalise it - they needed help but obviously not that much. Or maybe it's about their own feelings of bigotry and insecurity - maybe they chose to prioritise racism over making their lives easier. Lol good luck with that! Or maybe they felt insecure in their ability to communicate with you and so they didn't even try. Either way that's a them-problem, not a you-problem. If you learn to find ways to like yourself enough for the both of us then you won't find yourself seeking my validation or approval and you won't internalise rejection as much.

Whatever you choose to do, whether you stay or leave, I wish you all the best of luck. You've got this.

"People act like immigrants are there out of choice. Fuck, I'm very much not. The only "alternative" I had was going homeless - when the only other option was to lose one of fundamental necessities, it's not a real choice."

That's how it is for every immigrant in America except for a minority of them.

"I also cannot find a new job. I've desperately been trying to, but no one wants me. All the companies are going through layoffs. No one wants to invest into a worker anymore. The only time they post Junior positions is to offer an unreasonably low pay - they still require shitload of experience, frequently very niche. Many jobs I feel like I'd have a super easy time doing don't allow people without experience in at all."

Same here. You need to have a foothold first before you can find one or get one.

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My opinion on what you should do is entirely dependent on what your race and nationality is. If you’re white and from USA/UK/AUS then I think you need to go back. You’re an expat and not an immigrant, you do not deserve the same level of aid as an immigrant or a refugee if that’s the case. If however you’re a BIPOC and ESL then you deserve a greater right to freedom of movement then the previous situation I mentioned. I’m guessing you want to be in the EU for Schengen, I have heard good things about Portugal, large latin community, relatively cheap, only downside is high unemployment. Full disclosure I am American (but not white) and never been to Europe so I know nothing about Portugal, but I am absolutely right about you needing to stop trying to live abroad if you are white.