Last year someone gave me a pair of Sennheiser headphones—dead ass gave them to me. I was ballin’. I got to be a homeless person with an iPhone 12 and a pair of Sennheisers. And then my idiot friend set off a series of unfortunate events that resulted in the loss of my headphones, along with everything else I owned at the time.
So last month when this very sweet devout Christian saw a comment of mine about being a homeless drug addict, and sent me $300. I bought a new pair of Sennheisers on Mercari. I’m pretty sure it was the same model even.
I finally got around to checking my mail and—the headphones are fucked off. They won’t pair or fucking anything.
I had to fight the screaming urge to slam them on the ground.
Uh this person just randomly gave me $300 because I’m homeless and he believed that his Christian faith commanded him to give away such a sum. I spent some of it on a pair of headphones.
In that moment you were granted the mandate of heaven to buy yourself headphones