[CW: Mental Health]
I'm at a point where I no longer feel a drive to hunt for jobs. I've been stressing over it daily. I've been putting forth my best effort to get employed. I've been trying every fucking thing I could reasonably do, and I still don't have a job. I still have been getting turned down for so many positions.
I need a way to live. Being in Florida is hard enough, and especially as a trans person, I desperately want to make enough money to find my way elsewhere, but I can't. I can't even get a job, and since we are within a system that requires you to work to live, all I'm concluding is that I don't deserve to live.
I don't know what the problem is with me. I've been applying for employers who are so rude and inconsiderate. They don't speak or communicate with me in transparent ways, and every fucking workplace seems to be like this.
I'm applying for incredibly "simple" and entry-level jobs, many of which don't even require a high-school diploma to work for. Grocery stores don't think I'm good enough. Cafes don't think I'm good enough. Restaurants, retail stores, and warehouses all don't think I'm good enough.
I'm trying to see what I can do, but the hope has diminished constantly and constantly. I have a smaller scope of jobs I can apply to because my primary form of transportation is walking, and I've checked out just about every place that's applicable to me in terms of me being qualified for it and what not.
Nothing. I got nothing, and this has been going on since February 10. I'm starting to not see a reason to try to find a job, and since this, like I said, means that I have no way of carrying on my existence, I hate the grim and bleak reality that this simply means that death is quite literally the only realistic option.
I don't want that option, but I don't deserve any other one apparently. Is it because I'm black? Is it because I'm trans? Is it because I have no family member to pull a nepotism scheme for me? I wish I could magically poof up a family member, but the ones who live in the same state as me have all rejected me from their life because I'm trans. Whatever it is, suffering is all that's allowed, and that's it.
I actually have family in Wisconsin and Michigan who are legitimately trans-affirming. Here's the thing: I have not informed them of my situation, or at least not in great detail, and I don't intend to. I don't feel comfortable with doing so, especially with how dire it is. I really do not want to ask them too much or stress them out a lot. However, moving to one of those states, especially with being near these family members in mind. wouldn't be so bad.
I appreciate your concern and empathy a ton, and I also highly appreciate your suggestion. You're awesome!
On this subject, it might be worth reaching out to some of my LGBTQ-specific organizations in my area that I know have the potential to do mutual aid fundraising, on top of Hexbear providing whatever support you all can as well. I have seen many of these organizations aid a lot of trans individuals in getting out of Florida, so this might be more of a possible solution than I initially thought. I was thinking so much of the route of me 1) getting a job, 2) saving up a good deal of money, and 3) getting the fuck out, but it seems like completing step number one isn't even remotely possible, so thinking outside of the box is fair and well, especially since I’m starting to get to the hopeless position that my post is describing.
Your kind words mean a lot to me, and I really needed this kind of comment.
Thank you for being so lovely! 🤗