I wish coffee was a big drug for me like everybody else.
This is gonna be stupid and vague but my brain only shifts into high-activity write-mode at like 2 or 3 am. I get hit with genuis ideas and brilliant little plots, and then I have two options: wreck myself on an all-nighter before work, or sleep on these ideas and be unable to write jack shit next morning.
It's so stupid, all through the day my brain is asleep, then at night I become borderline manic and wanna write shit. Why, pls help.
BIT IDEA: 48 hour days where I get that maybe four hours of being free from anxiety-inducing external pressure. Just dont fuckin sleep lmao.
My brain frames it like, "look how fucking cool you are at 3am. You have such ideas and power and freedom. But your dumb ass is flattened every day by being SCARED, why are you SCARED small bean???" which yknow...
So your brain is making you scared of being scared? Mine does that sometimes lol. Whenever I figure out how to diffuse one level of anxiety, just bring it up one level of meta and keep the anxiety flowing.
No I'm furious about it. Brain cool only at night, garbage all other times.
This is coming from someone who spends a lot of time screaming internally at their own experience of anxiety, so it's something that comes with very sincere solidarity and an acute awareness of my own hypocrisy in saying this but...
I wonder if there's might be a different way of relating to your experience of anxiety, and I wonder if you chose to extend some hospitality towards it what this anxiety would might tell you?
(e.g. I know oftentimes I feel anxious because something is important to me and that my anxiety is telling me that it's important, sometimes my anxiety is telling me I need reassurance or validation, sometimes it tells me that I have an unadressed need to feel more secure, and so on...)
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