So I found out a guy who we used to mutually call each other best friend is having a baby. Its been a LONG time since we talked regularly. We still live in reasonable distance from each other, but far enough that its difficult to connect. And also Ive been depressed and not socially active irl for a good 8 years now lol. My only good irl friend friend dumped me a year ago over a stupid misunderstanding. But i had no friendship ending drama with this other friend.
Anyway, I was like "hey itd be nice to be part of your kid's life". Thing is, Im very good with kids, and thats like a core part of who I am as a person, but something my irl friends have repeatedly shown that they do not understand about me lol. (that other irl friend friend dumping me's reasoning for doing it included a very fundemental misunderstanding of that for example).
Anyway, my friend there said "idk its been so long since we've talked, maybe eventually" and I was taken aback a bit. I mean, on one level I get it. The mother of his kid doesnt even know me so thats a big reason for that. But like...
OK, studies show that autistic people do NOT do the whole "friendship degrading with noncommunication" thing. Something I always found weird in the Sims is how friendships degrade when you dont talk to them frequently (unless you max them out lol). Stardew does the same thing I think? And besides finding that annoying just from a gameplay perspective, I also didnt get it because like... wait is that how people think? Because i DONT. I dont really lose feelings of affection or freindship from noncommunication alone. Someone needs to DO something to me for me to change my opinion of them. And like, me and this friend have had our drama lol. He's a bit of a narcissist, not a "cant safely be friends with him" kind of narcissist but a "friendship with him will have toxic moments" type. And he mistreated an ex pretty bad, but that ex is still friends with him so I won't impose victimhood on her. (Our mutual ex is another story there, I really need to reconnect with her someday, but I always was very confused who was the perpetrator of mistreatment in that relationship because they both seemed pretty toxic, but anyway). But like. NONE of that is 'Wow you are NOT my friend anymore" stuff. Just stuff to be aware of and work around for me. Idk.
These are not coherent thoughts completrly but I like that I can dump them here from time to time.
Reading this the unfamiliarity with friend's partner + new parent feelings of protectiveness would be what I would guess are more important than just how much time has passed. Like, a rusty support can't hold as much weight as a new one, but maybe this is just too much weight? If I was your friend I might have answered that way just to make sure my parter is comfortable and to avoid forcing an interaction with someone they don't know well.
I would try a different angle, just try to find a way to generally socialize, and in particular try to start to get to know the mom more. Just build a little familiarity and it should be way easier to navigate socially.
I am frequently wrong tho so of course take my advice with a grain of salt