All I want to do is fight and fuck and drink myself to death, I know they're all bad ideas but it's so hard to stop myself. I live angry at everything all of the time. People avoid me, which makes sense as I can rage at a seconds notice.

This episode is just starting, so far I've been handling it better then past ones but I have anywhere between another month to another year stuck in this state. I don't even get the cool manic energy that lets you crank out a book or something else worth while. I just have constant nervous energy that can't be put to any use. Fortunately I have pets, if I didn't have to be responsible for them I think I'd bounce on my whole life. I know that's a classic bi-polar feeling and will seem like a terrible idea when I come out of this but fuck every thing and everyone sucks. (except for you guys )