(while this is inspired by meta events this isnt a meta post its just feelings im having about it right now. Im going to have to vageuly explain that without being too specific though).
When you have like, wholesome motives for something, and someone imposes untoward motives for the thing. That sucks a lot!
Ive always had trouble with people like... imposing thoughts when only I own and control my brain. My mom used to like, accuse me of being selfish for things like, say, when our adult cousins came over to help with some work on the house, and I sat in my room relaxing because it was the weekend, and she started yelling at me that Im supposed to ask to help. And my problem was she was accusing me of being actively negligent by not doing so when it was more that my brain never even thought of that in the first place. I wasnt being malicious because its not like I thought of it and proactivly ignored it. I just didnt think of it.
And now today I had warm family emotions towards an image and shared it with others, and they impsosed sexual motives towards me that I didnt have. And that really upset me because my feelings about the image werent about that at all.
I just wish people wouldnt assume like that.
I know exactly what you mean. I like to establish rules and record keeping when I'm in a position of authority. I take a conscious effort to justify my actions, keep affected parties informed, and share power when possible. The amount of times this has made other people more suspicious of me for some reason is fucking mindblowing.
I had to handle some money for a family matter. I created spreadsheets, documented every receipt, and kept everyone informed the entire time. Suddenly, I was accused of mishandling the money specifically because "If you were handling it normally, you wouldn't feel the need to justify yourself." A giant fucking family fight ensued, I was proven correct, and was still blamed for "acting suspicious."
Oh god that sounds horrifying. It sorta reminds me of how if you add an explination to your apology, NT people will take that as excusing it, so youre not supposed to do that. Even though for me as an autistic person, an apology without explaining what was going on in my own brain feels incomplete and insincere.
yes.
i don't like causing people harm; it's an accident, and i try to make it clear that i am sorry. but i also want to explain how/why i made my mistake, for them and for me to both understand how to prevent it happening again, and to make it clear that it wasn't intentional.
'oh so you're not sorry?' fuck off.
NTs are the most uncommunicative people i have ever met.
They communicate so much through subtext, just me giving all the context to make sure I’m understood is too much for them. “I don’t want to argue” well now I do so buckle up. You will understand me or you will be as upset as I am.