this and more vicious self-owns, only in this incredible grass-toucher post (again)
I used to have irl friends but they all turned out to be horrible people or libs or whatever, I used to have leddit but leddit is fucking poisonous, I used to have discord servers and shit but I tend to pass into and out of discord groups with worrying ease, also I cant stop saying "another kkkracka down" at grampa's funeral
now I have bear website and it's the place I want to talk, what the fuck else even is there? where else would even tolerate me? any attempt to reach out and join communities or groups anywhere would probably result in critical psychic damage, also I still will not go into the queer center in town, what the fuck
bear website is the only spot where talking to people has a decent chance of not being a painful affair
hexagonal ursine webzone
I have Hexbear and some discord servers too. I dont move on from them easily like you but my friendships are entirly online. My irl freinds werent all garbage (though I will note, I am ok with being friends with a lib who's not too obnoxious about it) but they either lapsed, or yeah they were garbage and I had to dfistance, but also there was my one big irl friend I had left that cut me off for some petty bullshit and yeah Im without real life connections entirly now.
The problem I keep having is that some form of trouble or drama sometimes follows me, (like when I got banned from one server for saying the thing) but more often than not my spaghetti just falls out of my pockets n I run away in shame =) Idrk the political views of the people I used to be friends with, (liberals probably but not offensively so) lost em before that could be a problem
Do you have a lot of childhood trauma/a background with abuse? That shit can rewire our brains to seek that shit out because we are literaly more comfortable with conflict than with peace.
Maybe, Idk. Depends on what you qualify as trauma or abuse, I wouldn't say so myself.
More often what happens is people see something I have said, decided I am malicious and take the absolute least charitable read humanly possible, deciding that's what I said and I am a wrecker. Better than 50% chance they have decided I am evil when I'm having a horrific anxiety attack mental breakdown. Double bonus points if they decided that I am a transphobe, or ableist, for something I have said about my experience of being autistic ir trans.
When I got banned from that one server, I absolutely knew I was gonna, that's whatever. More often than not it's "That sounds hostile" "I am not being hostile" "You are being hostile and a wrecker and a criminal and an agent provocateur and I hate you forever begone from my sight" which is epic.
By "that one server" do you mean the /r/cth spinoff server that exists because I had similar experiences there of people taking uncharitable interpreations of my statements and ignoring that Im autistic.
Many such cases
Comforting to know that I'm not alone in that one lol I felt very isolated by that experience.
Nah you're among people with similar experience. I've had people fabricate a ton of stuff out of nothing. I've been driven out of places and have people start on me because they misread what I'd said and such. There are countless ableist people online and IRL who will jump through many internalized hoops to demonize you just because of how you speak or for bringing up a topic that they do not like.. Which has the added effect of them disliking you because of this head canon fabricated version. I would rather people tell me if I've upset them but I've found many will harbour hatred and bitterness which simmers then eventually will boil over, often them starting drama and such. This has happened more than a handful of times out of the blue for me as in I had no idea of this or they imagined I had bad feelings or such.. I'm autistic, I'm very straight forward and what you see is what you get.. Many people don't understand this.
Absolutely not, instead the server was a sapphic book club and I got banned for prodding a french canadian for being french canadian :^)
I have learned that anything outside of hexbear is a mistake to engage in. Sorry the unofficial cth server has been shitty to you.