EDIT: this has been paid. thank you sm
seriously about to cry rn. like you guys don't guilt trip people or assume they're a piece of shit or anything. the amount of humanity you guys have astounds me. i feel like i've been a burden on people my entire life and it's been such a fucking struggle clawing my way tooth and nail out of the hole i'm born into. it doesn't feel i'm some worthless person on the leftist sides of lemmy. people accept me for who i am & believe in me and i just really want to say thank you bc i really have needed something like that these past few years. i'm gonna have a degree by may and it might not be the one i wanted but it'll be something, a stepping stone to better places and things. i'll be the first in my family with one.
sorry to babble forever about that. overcome with emotion wasn't really any sort of understatement. but, on the note of my degree. i need to pay 25 dollars to parchment to transfer my transcript over to my new college. & for whatever reason, even though my transcript from my previous college reflects my AP credits from high school, I need to be scalped even more and pay 15 dollars to the CollegeBoard to send my AP scores to the new college as well 🙃. i didn't really anticipate these charges not being payable to my bursar account, and i still haven't found a permanent job since losing my cashiering position. i'm really stressed bc i might not be able to go to the classes i enrolled in if i can't get this 40 dollars sorted by the 19th. there's people who need $40 dollars more than me for sure but getting my degree really means a lot to me so that probably influenced my hesitation posting here again, sorry.
edit: my cashapp is $jwmgregory
That's really good to hear, I'm glad that that post helped you. Yeah I'm definitely still not perfect, it's about just doing a little better for ourselves everyday. I think it's really cool how you've (can't remember which one) got off/started using less coke and benzos, those are 2 of the hardest ones to quit.
How was the meeting(s)? Did it end up being SMART or AA? I don't go very often, but just being able to be around people who are like you is nice.
I went to SMART first (after your post mentioning them), then to NA (12 step but narcotics, I don't have an alcohol problem. Actually, does AA do stuff other than alcohol, or is it just other organizations?). I did SMART online first, before hopping over in person, and it was really convenient. Overall, I liked SMART better, it had less of the religious tones to it. But more importantly, at SMART I met this guy that years ago used to be addicted to a lot of the same substances as me (he wasn't there for drugs, but for other issues). We kept in contact, and he's sorta helping me get through the tougher times. Like you said, the people are the best part, the exact exercies and pamphlets seem to matter less.
NA is better than nothing, really, but SMART seemed like it had better vibes. The NA meetings were in a church, while the SMART meetings weren't, so maybe that had something to do with it. I've mentioned this elsewhere on Hexbear, but the people at SMART were facing all kinds of addiction, not just substance abuse, which might actually be a positive. No nasty dealers trying to prey on the vulnerable (thought that's not something I saw first hand at NA, it's something I've heard of happening), and it means I can talk about SMART in a vague sense without necessarily giving away what my issues are.
Yeah, I've completely stopped cocaine and I'm tapering benzos (getting down pretty low now!). It's nice of you to say that, and I really wish they were the hardest, but it feels more like baby steps while I work my way up to cutting out meth and opioids, my big demons.
Anyways, you're a great person and I love reading what you have to say. Often, one of the first things I do when I open Hexbear is check out your profile to see how you're doing. I don't/can't really talk about my issues with hard substances with a lot of the people I know IRL, so it's people like you that keep me going.
Yeah I like the behavioral addiction side of SMART. Behavioral addictions are underrated, because I know sex or video game addicts that have gone just as low as me in my drug and liquor addictions. It makes me feel less crazy.
Hey 2/4 is a pretty good score! Meth and opiates are another beast though and you're right about that. I was always a downer person, so no real tips for stimulant withdrawal, but if when you taper for opiates I have a way to pretty much cheat the withdrawal. My psych and therapist were pretty damn impressed with my withdrawal regimen, so it even has somewhat professional approval.
I appreciate you saying that. It's always a pleasure when we're able to talk with each other, feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk about something!