you're a peasant and the year is uh, fuckin 80 or something. jesus is dead but hasn't been for all too long. you also don't know what a jesus is.
scratch that, you're a goblin now.
what do you do?
current status:
level 1 goblin
hp: 4/4 (8 base, -2 from worms, -2 from tired)
stealth: 3
shenanigans: 1
status: is a goblin, below average amount of worms in intestines, tired (Just ran back and forth from dennis and the castle over and over)
atk: 4.25 (3.25 base, 2 from goblin sized dagger, -1 from tired)
inventory
Sturdy Looking Stick (.25 atk)
Goblin Sized Dagger (2 Atk, Equipped)
1 Ye Flask (Flask adorned with Kanye West) which contains brimstone, salt, and coal all crushed together. It's not a bomb.
10 ounces of saltpeter
notes
location: outside of castle
drew a weiner with poop on a castle wall. same spot you pissed on actually.
you find salt, coal, and you don't know where to get any sulfur.
+2 tbsp Salt +1 Lump of Coal
that's fine then i search around for some brimstone one of the locals should have some. also i said saltpetre not table salt, it's fine though. i go back to the spot where i peed (which is conveniently marked by the weiner drawing) and dig. there should be some urine deposits there that have turned into saltpetre.
You walk up to the lady at the dennis and ask her if they have any brimstone.
Given that you just rolled a 20, she said that she just has some that you can have (it's stinky and she doesn't want it).
+3 Chunks of Brimstone
You exit the dennis and head back to the castle.
you approach the weiner drawing, but there's two guards patrolling the area.
ask the guards if you can use the pissing area. if they accept dig whatever place they point to and extract some saltpetre.
I SWEAR TO GOD. I AM NOT INFLATING THE AMOUNT OF 20S. THIS IS THE THIRD 20 I ROLLED.
Guard: "Why, of course, Gobby the Goblin! You can use the pissing area that's helpfully marked."
You dig up 10 ounces of perfectly intact saltpeter.