Dear father. It has been a year since my last confession. Since then, I have

  • Lied to my boss 300 times
  • Disrespected my parents 12 times
  • Got into arguments with my wife 56 times
  • Masturbated 4,530 times
  • Murdered trillions of children 4,530 times
  • Called God’s name in vain 5,900 times
  • Became nihilistic 40 times
  • Participated in 95 gooning sessions
  • Stolen from work 500 times
  • Imagined my wife being naked 600 times

And I ask for forgiveness for any sins that I’ve forgotten to mention today.

  • EmoThugInMyPhase [he/him]
    hexagon
    ·
    edit-2
    2 months ago

    Whenever I’m forced to go I just tell the priest I’ve been having doubts about the existence of God and the purpose of the catholic church. Then he forgives me and tells me to do 5 Hail Mary’s as penance.

    Lol

    It seems that interest rates on sinning is pretty low