I was an anarchist for a huge part of my life (most of my teenage years) and kinda began to get more connected with M-L and stuff like that, and I would call myself a marxist. Yet, everytime I talk with other leftist I either get called a tankie or an anarkiddie. If I recommend Das Kapital, I'm a state bootlicker or a left wing fascist. If I talk about how I prefer direct democracy but know that the process to communism is slow and needs some help of a state, I get called an anarkiddie. Anyway, I just find exhausting the infighting. I already struggle a lot with mental health just to be poorly treated by other people that, supposedly, want the same as all of us. Anyway you guys in lemmygrad have been always so nice, thanks btw. Have a nice week and thanks for reading my small rant.
I have also been an anarchist for most of my life. But thinking it over, many of the anarchist ideas regarding class struggle and capitalist critique come from Marxism. Nevertheless, the desire for a revolution that brings about tangible change, or at least the beginning of significant social transformation, and the unwillingness to play into the hands of social democrats (reformists), leads me to adopt a perspective closer to Marxist-Leninism.
I am still in formation, but that is the path I am currently taking. I have wondered if there is something like Bolshevik anarchism, but I found nothing. The closest I found was Mao-Spontex; the truth is that I find it interesting, but I don't think it is a real movement beyond the meme.
I believe that as the final phase of communism, anarchism is the ideal to be achieved; however, that state of affairs cannot be reached through anarchist tools. By this, I mean that in the process of making the revolution, a well-executed democratic centralism is more important than the rather "dispersed" decision-making, so to speak, of anarchists. Another point that comes to mind is that for anarchism to succeed, it would need a simultaneous world revolution, because otherwise, the external enemy could easily crush that society.
In short... I am in a small "crisis" in my political thinking.