With my first day with real energy in awhile being coupled with two temper meltdowns, (theres been a recent med change I should mention, but every one we have seems to just vacciltate between these two states). I feel like Im just... Im either a destructive ragebeast OR a useless sleepy flop who cant do literally anything.
I really dont want to live. I really dont want t fucking live. I'm so tired of this constant fucking struggle. I cant just have a good fucking day. I'll never accomplish anything and Ill keep hurting people and i just. Im so fucking exuasted (not literally because i still have energy, just tired of this gbullshit)
If you're one to doom-scroll, you need to set up some kind of block on your phone/PC to prevent yourself from going down that rabbit hole. We are all empathetically drained, watching all of the nonsense on the news/social media, you gotta protect yourself from all of that nonsense :)
On the days you have said energy, maybe read a (non-political or otherwise triggering) book.
Using the energy to learn about the horrors of the world does the same thing to me, and sometimes it's best to use your good days to be kind to yourself and your brain :)