My dear girl of around 15 years just went. I don't have any memories without her. I love her so much. I'm not sure I will make it. Last year around this time I lost my grandmother (raised me so I call her mom) due to family legally kidnapping her and sold her home while also evicting me. And now I lose the only thing I had left that I cared about. I had to sign the papers. I killed her. My mom didn't even get to be there. Only via the phone.
Update: I can't stop crying. I can't stop hyperventilating. I haven't ate or drank in over 24 hours now. What if she would have been fine. What if it was just a minor set back. What if she thinks I killed her over the first inconvenience. Why did i do it. I killed her. Why. She is my everything. How can I eat when she can't. How can I get sleep when she can't. How can I be happy without her.
I've been there. It will be hard but you will be okay. It sounds to me like she lived her entire life being loved. That you feel this so deeply speaks of the kindness of your soul.