So I just realized I might exhibit one of the common autistic experiences. It certainly feels like overstimulation in a literal sense, previously I've thought of it as being overwhelmed or things getting too intense. I snap my fingers, flex my hand, scrabble around with whatever's in my hand, repeatedly whisper
CW: suicide
"I hate you" or "Kill yourself"
under my breath almost like an incantation, even bash my fists against my temples when it gets bad.
The problem is this is almost always in response to thoughts I'm having or something I remember, which doesn't seem very external, and everything I read keeps saying it's only with external stimuli from one's environment. So is this something else?
Edit: Talked with my therapist and she said this is extremely OCD pilled. Task failed successfully
i have to use weed to cope with intrusive thoughts like that, it definitely doesn't work for everyone but it works for me so far. i have to spend a lot of effort almost all the time editing what i say because i have a lot of toxic self deprecating thoughts, especially relating to self harm and past traumatic experiences. i often struggle to focus on what people are saying to me over my own self deprecating internal monologue.