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Seems like a cool idea, I have no idea about the subject but I hope you find the right fit.
From what you posted it seems like Cabal is the best option, I would go with that one since is P2P, hosting and drug culture dont often go well together.
I think it's really cool what this community is doing for Lemmy, but why not work on a good client for Matrix instead you were going to do the work youself?
veeery hot UI take. I guess if everyone is used to Discord it doesn't matter tho. At least use TS.
Matrix is probably the eventual solution. But, I agree, it's not super user-friendly at the moment.
I still mainly use IRC - but at least currently that doesn't work as a replacement for the uses people (sadly) put Discord to.
But I'm not really willing to submit myself to Discord anymore.
Keybase was really really good until it got bought by Zoom a few months ago.