Many people are familiar with Shrekland but few are acquainted with shrek cosmology. Luckily, as an internationally-acclaimed shrek cosmologist, I can shed some light here.

Millions of eons ago, the Kingdom of the Shrek Moon was born.

Now, we must operate under the understanding that language is limited--'helm' or 'ship' may be closer to the original Moonish word, which itself is lost to the ages; nevertheless, the popular consensus has settled on the word 'kingdom' to describe this magic moonland of palaces without kings. In the Kingdom of the Shrek Moon, no shrek was left wanting and each shrek was free to be what a shrek is born to be--a starseed. In the heart of every shrek there is a tiny seed, no bigger than your pinkie fingernail. This seed burns brighter than a thousand suns and holds infinite power, limitless potential, to create new worlds.

And at the same time the Shrek Moon rose, so too rose the Dark Shrek Kingdom. The Dark Shrek Kingdom is every bit as horrible as its name suggests; they aim to rule over other shreks. These shadow shreks use their star power to create worlds of pain and misery, where other shreks are dominated and enslaved. And worst of all, the Dark Shrek Kingdom wants to zap the starseeds right out of the chest of every shrek in the Kingdom of the Shrek Moon (Shadow Shreks believe this will ennervate their own starseeds, which have become hard as old peach pits through prolonged misuse and misery.)

Now, no one can rightly say why the Dark Shrek Kingdom and the Shadow Shreks went so wrong. Why create a world so sad and miserable? Likely, it was out of fear--fear of what, we cannot say. They are petrified and sad, with a hard pit where their heart should be.

So to save the starseed of every shrek in the universe (even those fearsome shadow shreks), each shrek had to become a sailor, with a shrek gift all their own. What is a shrek sailor? Simply put, a sailor is a guide for all shreks in the cosmos, so that they might come out of the darkness of the shadow shrek empire and into the light of the Kingdom of the Shrek Moon. In most retellings of this era, there were five Shrek Sailors: Sailor Shrek Venus, Sailor Shrek Mars, Sailor Shrek Mercury, Sailor Shrek Jupiter and, of course, Sailor Shrek Moon.

PS: This was a good way to spend my morning.