I love how all but like 1? maybe 2? people from my graduating class in high school I was friends with stopping inviting me to things or contacting me literally THE MOMENT we graduated - despite them all still being friends w/ one another.

I love how anyone I was remotely friends with at collge kept me at an arms length and forced me to be the one to always try to initiate things. I cannot recalling a single instance of being the unprompted recipient of a invitation to hang out from anyone I met there.

I love the numerous instances in which someone who've I've really appreciated and thought was becoming a good friend, has completely and utterly ghosted me. I love how many people have suddenly just stopped talking to me one day and never said why or reached back out

Like I wish someone who knows me personally or irl would just fucking text me and tell me honestly what the fuck is wrong with me? I just want to know. Am I that annoying? Am I that ugly? Am I just that goddamn broken? Can someone please just tell me so I have closure?

Or am I just one of those people so undesirable that it'd take me finally giving in and fucking blowing my brains out for anyone to even stop a second and remember I exist. I wish someone please tell me. What about me is so broken that I'm treated this way

EDIT: sorry for being so down, folks. I've had a rough week on top of already persistent mental health struggles, and had a bit of a breakdown earlier. I'm doing much better and feeling much stabler now. Should I take this down to avoid worrying or concerning anyone further? Or should I leave it up to offer some sort of cathartic rant that others can relate with if knowing they're not alone in their struggles helps them?