I don't know how to express or articulate my thoughts and my vocabulary and grammar gets messed up the more I write so I will just write simply.
What I'm trying to say is that every day or hour or minute or everytime you think, you feels like your original selves is dying. I know that we are constantly growing but i just can't stop thinking that whenever we grow or learning new things or start to think differently, our past selves is dead. I think back to my past selves in middle school, highschool and from 2022 and think, aren't they dead? No matter what i do or think or whatever happens to me, i can't bring back the personalities or "me"s from the past. They remain dead and continue to being dead. Unless they are exist in another timeline or universe.
What exactly is identity, consciousness or the self which is me? I don't know nor understand but this idea just stuck in my mind and occasionally appears when I'm bored, stressed or relaxed.
Not quite. To me it rather feels like it's ongoing in the past, continuously, but I can't do anything. It feels like I am an observer of the past me, just watching myself do mistakes over and over. None of the things I can relive. And that extends into the present. I often can't enjoy things even if there is something to enjoy, because I keep thinking "this will be past in the future, and I will never experience it again". Sometimes it even feels like the present is just a memory that I am thinking of in the future.