So, I guess I can say at least that I'm in a better place than I've probably ever been. 'Conquered' my more severe mental illnesses, in the sense I know how to manage them and live with them.

But lately, I've been feeling very alienated from friends and people. Mostly, this is that it feel like there's not much I actually enjoy. I just feel hyper-critical of everything. I've basically stopped watching anything, as I just realized I don't enjoy any TV or movies. And while I do enjoy some books and games, I'm still super critical of most stuff, and don't really share cross-sections with my friends and partner. I feel like its just super rare for me to actual find a book series, or game, or song that I actually like. But also, I'm pretty extraverted, and have a desire to be social, but I don't know what to do with people, cause I feel like all I want to do is complain. And of course, pandemic shit makes being social IRL a bad idea (especially since my partner is very immunocompromised.)

And it kind of sucks. Like, as an example, my friends lately have been into V-tubers, which I just do not get at all, and MMOs, which I've given several tries over the years, but just hate. But also, I don't want to grump at them for stuff they enjoy. But also, I feel bad declining invitations to watch or play stuff, because I know I won't enjoy it. I chill in VC with them sometimes, but a lot of the time the conversation is mostly just about whatever media they're interacting with, and just, there's nothing of worth I can add, and it kind of just makes me depressed.

I feel like I just can't turn my brain off about how shit 99% of media is, which I know is like, super hipster, and would prefer to not think like this. I related a lot to the description of " Actual Art Degree " thought in Disco Elysium, but not in a good way. It made me realize how vaguely bitter and alienated I feel about it, but also I have no idea what to do about it.

Basically, the only social thing I feel like I enjoy these days is tabletop RPGs with the group, but also scheduling is such a pain, and I feel like I'm getting ground down going through the 9-5 job cycle, with only 1 thing every other week to look forward to.

IDK if anyone actually has advice, but mostly just kind of feel like venting.