I'm going to quit my job soon. I graduated barely 2 years ago, but this already is the second time I'll be quitting a respectable and stable office-based PMC job with good "career advancement prospects" without "good reason" or a "good plan for my future". I just can't stand doing my job. I can't imagine doing this for the next 30 years, or even the next 30 days. I'm not interested in any part of it at all, and it makes me feel like a total dummy because everyone else seems to know exactly what to to do, while make I make basic mistakes every day, and take literal weeks doing simple tasks that would take other just hours or minutes. I've hated my field even before I started my undergraduate degree, but everyone told me that it's the only sensible choice, that I'm being unreasonable / lazy / unrealistic, that I'll one day look back and be grateful I let them choose this path for me. And I was too stupid and spineless to resist.

I'm planning to move out of my parent's house as soon as possible and go back to university to get a second degree in the underwater basket weaving academic field that I've always known I wanted to study and work in. Because my savings are barely enough for me to survive on even without paying for university tuition, I'll be going to a local public university where the facilities are likely to be complete crap (because 40 straight years of neoliberal reforms somehow failed to completely eradicate all non-vocational humanities studies in this university) but at least the costs would be manageable for at least 3 years of undergraduate study.

And even after I waste all this money and time and effort for a second undergraduate degree and any further postgraduate studies, the prospects of me getting an academic job don't look good. So I may end up back on square one with me applying for an entry-level job in my original field, as a 35 year old with barely a year's worth of relevant work experience and crushing student debt.

Everyone in my immediate family circle is yelling at me, or at least ignoring me. Apparently, I'm screwing up my future / wasting my life. Oh well. They kind of do have a point. But I just can't imagine doing anything else or staying where I am right now.

I've never had a blog. But I see why people do now; just typing out all the negative feelings bottled up inside me (deciding whether to add a factual detail or use a specific word, editing out bits that don't make sense), with the prospect of putting that part of myself out into the world for others to see, is a bit therapeutic. I think I may want to do this more.