Out of my eight hours yesterday, I spent maybe an hour actually doing work. The rest of the time I sat in an empty office fucking around on my phone, waiting to see if anyone needed me.

For the last several years I have been working in homeless services, usually low-barrier shelters. The work was busy and constant and there was always a lot going on. But it was also traumatizing. I've seen way too many people die, and more than once I've been assaulted at work. I had to get out. I still sometimes have nightmares.

So about a month ago I got a job with another social work agency, this time working with people in subsidized housing to access resources and deal with lease issue as they come up. It's good and important work (I've seen way too many people return to shelter after being housed), but it seems very few people here really need this sort of support on the regular. Despite working at several apartment complexes, I'm lucky to meet with more than two or three people in a day, usually for a half hour or less. The rest of my time is spent waiting.

A couple years back I worked a case management job that was similar - I'd meet with my clients a couple times a month, and then do nothing but stew in my thoughts for long stretches. I began having panic attacks and intrusive thoughts so I quit and moved back to shelters. I guess I just handle idleness very poorly.

My boyfriend thinks I'm crazy, and that this is a really cushy job. He's a shelter guy too, and deals with way more bullshit than I ever have. But I'm very worried about what this (lack of) work is going to do to me mentally. I like being productive, and I can only do so much HelloChinese practice in a day.

I'm mostly venting, but has anyone else dealt with anything like this? How do you keep emotional sound? I'm almost ready to look for new work if things don't change, but I also only really know one industry, and I feel like I'm too traumatized and autistic for most jobs in it.