What kind of mental illness is it when I avoid with a passion all my messages and notifications across every app and website, I put letters marked "URGENT" in a giant pile and refuse to open them, my phone recieving a call makes me hideously upset, I have a hundred small things I need to do that would all take 5-60 minutes and yet I avoid all of them, I miss people and I crave socializing and yet every opportunity that presents itself to me feels like some terrible dread, I agonize for weeks, months, years over a message I never got back to and then send some long winded apology, re-opening contact with an old friend, only to sharply ghost them and repeat the process for another 1-5 years.
WHY THE FUCK DO I DO THIS
Thank you everybody for your thoughts, someone said I might have ADHD in high school but instead of seriously considering it, I researched it to purposefully mimic it and recite it and skew tests so I could just get drugs to abuse. Never heard much of avoidance this or that but I'll try to look into it!
But there are no tests for adhd? They literally just ask you if you suffer from a list of symptoms, then they look at family history, and then they’ll discus your life and where things are prickly for you.
Also, if you researched it much you would know that the key and largest symptom is almost always executive dysfunction and its various forms. That’s one of the most insidious symptoms.