cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/1852371
I ended up opening up to ten books and reading them for a few days (going one by one by one and then back again, trying to repeat the process).
Then asked myself "What am I doing?"
I was trying to be productive now that I don't have a job, but I realized that I'm almost done with university and have an internship now; I'm already focused on those two things and was just trying to make up for "free time." I mean, what the hell... I didn't have to make myself "more productive" but here I am.
I also decided to stop another activity of mine that I was practicing 'cause, again, I felt I needed to do it rather than wanting to do it.
A YouTube video that inspired me was here, btw. But it wasn't the only inspiration. Just a creeping realization among other things.
In the end, I got overwhelmed and realized I didn't want to do... any of these things. There were only two books that I wanted to read immediately anyways and the rest I could save for later if I wanted to get to them. I told some friends and I now know someone who admitted to trying to read up to twenty (I'm guessing by going through each one and then back again each week). I'm not judging, but now I know how extreme things can get.
And here I was being against "required reading" (which I kinda still am as I believe, outside of a few classics and fundamental material, Marxists should read whatever the hell they want, and even then, I'm pretty lax about that rule).
Welp, that's all.
How are you all doing this week?
I totally understand the whole wanting to feel productive even though you don't have to be, I've been struggling with that myself cause I mostly stay at home 😔
I don't have to feel productive but I feel like I'm not really doing anything else with my time, but is that because we live in a capitalist society that conditions us that rest or being unproductive is considered lazy?
I've been through a lot of trauma (including lately) so what's been the most ideal for me is rest, but it's so hard to do that because we're never taught to be able to do that.
I've also been through trauma.
That second therapist I got in addition to my current one?
He specializes in both OCD and trauma as well.
So I have two therapists now.
I was abused by my father for decades so it's rough.
Plus, other traumatic things.
Oof two therapists. Is that better or worse for you?
I was also abused by my dad for my entire childhood and even part of my adult life so I totally understand 😞
My therapists are working together in this case and this new one was recommended by my (recent) old one.
I've had the previous one for a few months and I'm loving fae. Faer's great.
Wow I've never heard of therapists working together like that, that's really neat! I'm glad that's working out for you 😊
I'm honestly kinda worried about trying to start therapy myself for this reason (am also autistic), especially since the last time I had one I ended up walking out cause he was being racist, and when I called him out on it he said that I was "angry" but didn't even attempt to understand why I was.
Not an indictment of all therapists (as I used to wanna be one) but it was a bad experience
I'd also like to be able to have an autistic therapist so I could avoid that if possible
I went through six therapists before I found the right one.
This guide helped me a ton.
Also, definitely find a therapist that's also Autistic!
(The guide I just gave you helps with that last part as well.)
Wow, six 😵💫 that must have been exhausting
Thanks for the guide! I think this'll be really helpful 😊
I found a YouTube link in your post. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
