Not to brag but I'm a pretty confident person in my social circle. I'm funny, make people laugh etc. etc.
Basically, I am adored by everybody.
But there is something that I noticed about myself lately. Regularly people come up to me to chat and sometimes they compliment me. Now, complimenting isn't a bad thing, obviously. But I just don't feel anything when I receive them.
However I enjoy it when people talk good things about me when I'm not present. I, again, don't feel anything when people talk shit about me when I'm not present. BUT I really enjoy it when people straight up come at me and say something bad at me. My mood increases and I spend the rest of my day happier.
Is this some kind of a defense/coping mechanism that I have unintentionally developed? I don't see anything bad about this.
It's also worthy to say that I spent the majority of my life isolated up until a few years ago. No compliments at all but nobody to say bad things either. Is this why I fail to appreciate compliments?
This will seem like a weird tangent, but it is setting up some context.
I was taught as a young person to be humble, and to avoid making others feel bad for not being as good as me. So while Inwas always told I was special, I wasn't supposed to acknowledge out out loud to avoid being seen as bragging. This was either driven in or internalized to the point that compliments still make me feel uncomfortable because of a natural urge to dismiss them despite knowing they are being given in good faith.
Compliments given when I am not present seem more genuine to me, like they aren't just saying it to make me happy at the moment. Thise sre my favorite, hearing about someone telling someone else a positive thing about me.
It sounds like you have a kind of reverse situation, where you prefer to have something bad said about you in person and don't care about what is said when you aren't around. That kind of sounds like confidence in yourself being able to handle negativity, but not getting pleasure from compliments. It could be a coping mechanism, and that would be my first guess. The reason for your isolation would probably provide some context, but that would be better to discuss with a professional than the internet.
Sounds like you might enjoy people being honest to you rather than enjoying compliments or criticism. Criticism is more blunt when said to someone's face, but compliments can seem disingenuous, so maybe you don't believe the compliments subconsciously
Now, complimenting isn’t a bad thing, obviously. But I just don’t feel anything when I receive them.
One can question whether complimenting is not a bad thing. Praising can create a non horizontal emotional dependency.
I'm thinking self worth issues.
In another comment you said you are egoist. Fair, but a lot of people with self worth issues cope by essentially talking themselves up (or tearing others down) internally. Can you elaborate on how you feel like you're "a disgusting egoist"?
It's possible that it is a self-worth issue and lack of self-love. Overconfidence is a defence mechanism, and not being able to take compliments is a sign that you don't truly, deep down, believe people are being honest about them.
However it can be quite complex and let's say you have trust issues... an example is, let's say you didn't get many real compliments and were bulled in school and every time you wore a ratty shirt or didn't brush your hair, your bully 'complemented' it in front of others. Now you're primed to distrust complements and believe on a subconscious level that they are malicious.
Compliments are often used as a way to manipulate people, so if you've dealt with a manipulator before, now genuine comments may trigger you to have your guard up... not an easy place to be when trying to genuinely accept compliments.
First of, compliments are flattery, watch out they are trying to manipulate you !
Second, they are simply mistaken if they knew the truth they wouldn't say that.
Third, they at least have poor taste and judgement if they thing I'm good or have done sonething good
Fourth, I cannot respect someone who would compliment me, they must be a huge loser with no friends to think that.
If you suffer this reasonning, I am sorry to say but there is an evil demon living inside your soul. You must catch it and send it back to hell for your sake and the sake of everyone tgat loves. Yes, they exist.
