I linked to this thread, only because it's what got me thinking about this topic again. Me and my SO talk about phones occasionally, regarding our kids. Neither of them are anywhere close to an age where they might have one. However, as time goes on, we find ourselves so repelled by the idea of the kids having a fully fledged smartphone.
Given the reality that all social media apps are effectively skinner boxes, training you to use them more, the idea of allowing kids on them feels like offering a 10-year-old a cigarette. I have to remind myself that the internet I grew up on is dead and gone. I may have been exposed to some weird ass shit in AOL chat rooms, but there wasn't any kind of algorithmic content feed keeping me itching and scratching.
So far, the only time the oldest uses an iPad is when they use mine, and the only apps they use are Procreate for drawing, and an app that helps kids learn to write letters and words. Watching TV is probably the worst thing we get into at home when it comes to just pure content consumption, but we keep the list of watchable stuff pretty small, and regularly axe shows we feel don't meet our standards when we venture off that list.
I guess this has evolved into a larger discussion about media consumption as I have typed this out, but at the end of the day, that's what's happening on these phones, right?
I understand and share all your concerns. I am dealing with a kid of a similar age, and it is frustrating to know what's out there. That's why "his" phone is his "mom's" phone that he's "borrowing". It's logged on to her stuff. Sure he can (And does) sometimes get around that, but ultimately he is responsible to her for all he does on the phone, which has limited what he does on it quite a lot. And ultimately we can't really do a lot of other stuff that we can enforce when he's at his father's place, or just enforce at all really. Ultimately he has to have a phone and that phone needs the internet, so we can only create an environment of responsibility for what he does with the phone.
But he basically can't exist without a phone. He gets his homework on an app ffs.